IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Bar chart shows the top ten countries for consumption and production of electricity in 2014.

Bar chart shows the top ten countries for consumption and production of electricity in 2014.
#bar #ten #countries #consumption #production #electricity
The graph below illustrates ten
countries
 for generating and consuming
electricity
 over one year.
Overall
, it is obvious that China was by far the country which produced the highest rate of
energy
 and had the most
electricity
 consumers in 2014.
Whereas
, Korean
Repulic
Correct your spelling
Republic
 recorded the lowest amount of
electricity
production
 and consumption.
First,
China and the USA were
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
countries
 that generated the highest amount of
electricity
 in 2014
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to their counterparts (5,398
billion
kwh
Correct your spelling
kWh
 and 4,099
billion
kwh
Correct your spelling
kWh
 respectively. Both
countries
also
 allocated the most
energy
 consumers
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 5,322 and 3,866
billion
kwh
Correct your spelling
kWh
.
Converesly
Correct your spelling
Conversely
, the consumption figures for
Korean
Correct article usage
the Korean
show examples
 Republic and Brazil were 449,5 and 455,8
billion
kwh
Correct your spelling
kWh
 respectively, and these
countries
 dedicated the lowest
energy
 consumers in the same year.
On the other hand
, almost all
countries
'
electricity
production
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 were higher than the
consumtion
Correct your spelling
consumption
 rate.
However
, Germans' consumed almost 1
billion
kwh
Correct your spelling
kWh
energy
Change preposition
of energy
show examples
 more than the country's
production
. It is noteworthy that in Russia, the figures for
electricity
production
 and consumption were almost the same and had a negligible difference.
Submitted by sarina.chenare78 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words countries, electricity, energy, production, billion, kwh with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: