IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people say that advertising is extremely succesfull at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #succesfull #attention
When a new product launches, it needs to be seen and
advertisements
 play a vital role in
this
 case. In the
last
 decades,
advertisements
 have grown significantly thanks to the development of the Internet and technology.
Although
 these options can convince customers to obtain facilities, too many of ad attract less attention. In
this
 essay, I will look at both points of view and introduce my standpoint.
Initially
, It is widely accepted that recommendations could affect our decision toward everything especially when we want to spend money on something and owe it.
Advertisements
 usually consist of information which would broaden your horizons and you could decide with an open mind.
For instance
, you have a plan to get some kitchen tools
such
 as a refrigerator but you are doubtful between two alternatives. The information about the various options that can be achieved by ad would be beneficial for you.
In addition
, repetition of something would awaken the sense of curiosity and stimulate you to experience it. By the way of example, TV advertises some strawberry-scented perfumes, it can be that much attractive that you want to really try and have it for your own. On the other side of the argument, it should be considered that these days, we are bombarded by various types of
advertisements
 thanks to the developments of technology
such
 as social media, TV, Radio and so on. In
this
 case, individuals are educated to skim or flick through web pages quickly.
Consequently
, they usually pass
advertisements
while
 using YouTube, Instagram and so on because ads are not their priority and too many numbers of them make it less important to stay a moment and pay attention to them. As far as I'm concerned, regards to all aspects mentioned in
this
 text, interactive ads can be still attractive to people. Because, customers become a part of some commercial events or activities and during that, they would experience some marketing targets or products. As they decide to be part of it, it can be more effective for introducing things to them and persuading them to buy.
Submitted by shabnamoutokesh on

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Task Achievement
To improve your score for task achievement, ensure that both views are discussed equally and that your own opinion is presented clearly throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion. Additionally, ensure that every paragraph clearly relates back to the essay question and that your opinion is backed up with specific, detailed reasoning.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make sure to use a range of linking devices to connect your ideas more clearly. Your essay would benefit from more sophisticated paragraphing, where each paragraph has one clear central idea that is expanded upon. Lastly, be mindful of overusing certain transitional phrases, and vary your language to maintain the interest of the reader.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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