Some people think that using traditions as attractions for money-making will destroy our culture, but others think that there is nothing wrong with attracting tourists that way. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some people believe that using
traditions
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as attractions for tourists will destroy our
culture
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.
While
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some believe that there is nothing wrong with it. There are many reasons for both sides , and in
this
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essay, I will be explaining them. On one hand, people believe that using
traditions
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as entertainment for money-making is wrong. They believe that conventions should be used to honour their ancestors and their beliefs.
For example
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, Thai locals may have a traditional way to worship their Gods in the temple,
they
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and they
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are fixed on what to do when entering the temple.
However
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, when
toursits
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tourists
visit temples, they might accidentally disrespect the Gods and the
thai
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Thai
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culture
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by doing things or wearing exposed clothing,
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this
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which
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can cause distrust and
cause
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apply
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dissatisfaction
to
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among
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the locals.
On the other hand
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, some individuals believe there is nothing wrong with attracting travellers with
traditions
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. These citizens may believe that it is an honour to share their
culture
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, and they may want guests to know the history of their homeland.
For instance
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, when a foreigner visits
thailand
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Thailand
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, locals are usually very welcoming and helpful
,
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;
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they want foreigners to feel like Thailand is a safe country. Residents enjoy giving walkthroughs of famous landmarks and showing the Thai heritage to sightseers
while
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also
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gaining a profit from their time and
help
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helping
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. I agree with
this
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perspective on using
traditions
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, since I am proud of my
culture
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, and I would like for all visitors to get the chance to view my country's
traditions
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too. In conclusion, the citizens may feel disrupted when their practices are used as entertainment for
visitiors
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visitors
, especially beautiful landmarks,
while
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some may feel interested in sharing their
culture
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with new people
but
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, but
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none of the perspectives
are
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is
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wrong. Everyone should have the choice to learn new customs
,
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apply
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while
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also
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respecting the
culture
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of that nation.

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task response
Make your opinion more clear in the introduction. Say your side in a direct way.
task response
Explain both sides more fully. Add one more reason for each side.
task response
Use examples with more detail so the ideas feel stronger and more real.
coherence and cohesion
Link some ideas more smoothly. A few sentences feel too long or joined in a weak way.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same key words clear. For example, use one main word like traditions or culture, not too many similar words.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion shorter and more direct. Restate both views and your opinion clearly.
task response
You answered both views and gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
The temple example and the Thailand example are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main idea, so the essay is easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • tradition
  • culture
  • tourist attraction
  • local community
  • historic place
  • old custom
  • true meaning
  • cultural identity
  • make money
  • keep alive
  • protect
  • respect
  • young generation
  • festival
  • local art
  • traditional music
  • support
  • damage
  • commercial use
  • balance
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