Some people believe that nowadays we have too many options. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, choosing what we want is a normal thing. Some
people
argue that we live to choose abundant things in life
. In my opinion, while
some people
have the right to choose, I agree that others cannot choose what they want because of their non-ideal condition.
To begin
with, according to
the human rights principle, every person is free to choose their options
. This
freedom to determine what we want should be applied to a personal's life
and the sense of having the power of choice can give a person autonomy to control their destinies and live their life
to the fullest. Take for example
, students who choose their path in the universities tend to have excellent performance throughout their studies rather than students who took courses based on their parents’ pressure. Those high-achievers may perform better because of the support and trust from their families which might also
boost their confidence level in having more sense of responsibility for their own choices. Thus
, every person should live by their own choices to live a better quality of life
.
On the other hand
, the fact that taking options
is a privilege for some people
but not for others. Some people
are incapable of choosing simply because of their family condition or the surroundings they live. In some areas in Indonesia, for example
, female youngsters have to obey their family's orders and traditions to marry someone at a very young age. As a result
of this
, there have been a growing number of dropouts and low-income families. Moreover
, this
condition might be because they do not have as many resources and options
as fellow citizens who are exposed to more resources and accessibilities. Therefore
, we must acknowledge that some people
do not have so many options
and privileges despite certain conditions.
In conclusion, although
I believe that as human beings we have the right to select what the best for ourselves, from my perspective, in some cases, some people
unfortunately cannot choose their dream life
as others. The only way to solve this
problem is to be brave to speak about our thoughts on what is best for ourselves and help those unfortunate people
in need.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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coherence cohesion
Achieving coherence in your essay requires a logical flow of ideas. Use a range of linking words and ensure that paragraphs are well-constructed, each having a clear central idea that is developed and supported throughout the paragraph. While you did use some linking words, greater variety and accuracy are needed for a higher score.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are important components of your essay. They should reflect the main points presented and provide a comprehensive summary of your viewpoint. Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and reiterates your standpoint clearly.
coherence cohesion
Main points must be supported adequately with explanations and examples. It is essential to develop each point fully to show the depth of your understanding. Aim to provide more details and explanations to reinforce your main points, which in turn can enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
task achievement
To fully respond to the task, you must address all parts of the prompt comprehensively. Ensure that you extend and support your ideas sufficiently. While your response covered the topic, greater depth and development of ideas are necessary to achieve a higher score.
task achievement
Convey your ideas clearly and concisely. Aim for precision in your language use and ensure each paragraph presents comprehensive and well-thought-out concepts. The language could be more precise to convey clearer and more comprehensive ideas.
task achievement
Use relevant, specific examples to support your arguments. These examples should be illustrative of your points and enhance the overall argument. You provided a good use of specific examples, but consider expanding on them to demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
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