IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

some people think all lawbreakers should be sent to prison, while others think there are better alternatives for those whose crimes are minor, such as making them do work for the local community. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Considering discipline for those who break laws is a common way in order to prevent recidivism.
While
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 certain people claim that
prison
Use synonyms
 is the best way for offenders, I agree with those who believe that punishing should depend on how severe the crime is. On the one hand, choosing jails is a traditional approach to
punishment
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. Supporters of incarceration claim that criminals should be deprived of liberty to avoid recidivism.
Although
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 annually the majority of people are put in
prison
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, it seems not to be an essential plan since many crimes like rape or theft are still continued. I concede that some violations
such
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 as murder or rape, are deserved harsh
punishment
Use synonyms
 and the worst jails and penalties must be implemented.
However
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, being sent to jail does not have any positive points for the community as there are not any training courses or workshops for changing antisocial behaviours in lockup.
On the other hand
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, several individuals believe that if social activities as
punishment
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 for little crimes were substitute jails, it would be not only better for the community, but
also
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 prevent imprisoners from facing the hazardous situation of the cell.
In other words
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, in many societies, the lockups for major crimes like murder are the same as ones for tiny felonies like a little theft. If a criminal did not possess strong and dangerous antisocial behaviours, it would be greatly beneficial to deploy them for community work like cutting the grass or helping elderly people in terms of shopping. Doing social activities by minor offenders may enhance rehabilitation and integration in public. In conclusion,
although
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 advocates of
prison
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 claim that sending to
prison
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 may be the best and the
last
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 step to
punishment
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, I think regarding how crime impacts society and how severe it is, some social activities could be considered for tiny wrongdoings to avoid experiencing jail and having significant merits for the public

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic and covers both views as required. However, you may want to include more specific examples to support your points further.
coherence cohesion
The main points are logically structured and easy to follow, but some sentences could be clearer. For instance, the sentence starting with 'Although annually the majority of people are put in prison...' is somewhat confusing and could be rephrased for clarity.
coherence cohesion
To improve the overall cohesiveness, make sure to use transitional phrases consistently to clearly link ideas and paragraphs. This will help in maintaining the flow throughout the essay.
introduction conclusion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your discussion.
coherence cohesion
You provide a coherent argument in discussing both viewpoints and give your own opinion clearly.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary and complex sentence structures.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • lawbreakers
  • deterrent
  • rehabilitation
  • community service
  • recidivism
  • incarceration
  • public safety
  • cost-effectiveness
  • infraction
  • reintegration
  • punitive measures
  • reoffending
  • stigmatization
  • educational programs
  • counseling programs
  • alternative approaches
  • societal benefits
  • burden on taxpayers
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