IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statements? Because people are busy doing so many different things, they do very few things well. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#statements #people #support
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In today's world ,
people
Use synonyms
 are driven by the idea of knowing everything in order to expand their opportunities.
People
Use synonyms
 focus on learning many things at the same time so they fail to master any . I firmly believe that
this
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 happens because of the unrealistic requirements established by the companies and institutions. To start with , in the current society , standards have been raised highly for individuals so it has become difficult for them to cope with them .
people
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 are asked to be professional in many aspects at once . Some of these requirements are not related to their original qualification.
This
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 is because employers are trying to reduce employee numbers in their businesses in order to limit their expenses and increase their profits.
For example
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 , fresh graduates in many developed countries complain of the drastically increased number of unemployed
due to
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 the number of skills required
in addition
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 to their degree to be hired in the company .
Furthermore
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 , another major factor is the social media.
people
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 are dramatically influenced by skilful and talented
people
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 on these platforms , which makes them very concerned about improving their own skills in many different aspects altogether.
this
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 scattered effort would eventually result in
little
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a little
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 upgrade, rather than what could have been made if the individual focused more on upgrading only one aspect . In conclusion, it is quality over quantity , so if the person puts more effort and time into becoming skilled in one thing , it would definitely be beneficial more than consuming them without obtaining the desired outcome .
Submitted by doingnunita12 on

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task response
Your essay covers the topic effectively but would benefit from more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to achieve a higher level of complexity and sophistication. Incorporating more advanced language will enhance your task response.
task response
Use more specific examples to support your points. For example, mention a particular skill that employers look for or describe a specific situation where someone was influenced by social media to pursue too many skills at once.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to capitalization and minor grammatical errors. These small but noticeable mistakes can detract from the overall readability of your essay. Additionally, avoid starting sentences with 'this' - aim to make your pronouns more specific.
coherence cohesion
Consider adding more transitional phrases to better link your ideas between paragraphs and within them. This will improve the flow of your essay and make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction is clear and sets up the topic well. You effectively introduce your main argument in the first paragraph.
introduction conclusion
Your conclusion successfully summarizes your main points and reinforces your argument.
supported main points
The main points you discuss (unrealistic job requirements and social media influence) are well-chosen and relevant to the topic. They are generally well-supported through explanation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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