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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some pepople spend most of their lives living close to where they were born. What might be the reasons for this? What are the advantages and disadvantages?

#pepople #lives
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Some people live permanently in their hometown
due to
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 they are familiar with each and every corner of their own
place
Use synonyms
. Social interaction with residents and close bonding with relatives are the
benefits
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 of
this
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 phenomenon,
although
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, limited
workchoices
Correct your spelling
work choices
 are the drawbacks.
This
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 essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons. There are some advantages of permanently living in home town. One of the main
benefits
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 is that it can help to maintain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social interaction with other residents in order to
can
Verb problem
apply
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get any help from them without expecting but in new
Use synonyms
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 people are not able to get any help from strangers. Another advantage is that close bonding with relatives and friends when people live in their birth locations, and
as a result
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, they will be happy without any stress.
For example
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, homesickness is the main problem when folks
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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move to
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
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 city but live in the same location
this
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 problem will not arise. These are the
benefits
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 for the public lives in their
birth
Correct your spelling
birthplace
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place
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in
Change preposition
for
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longer
Correct article usage
a longer
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 time. There are some drawbacks of
this
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 tendency. One major disadvantage is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
limited
work
Use synonyms
 choices in
home
Correct article usage
the home
show examples
place
Use synonyms
 because metropolitan cities have innumerable employment opportunities as compared to the local
places
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. When a person lives in his own location without moving
any
Change preposition
to any
show examples
 urban
places
Use synonyms
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
he only has limited
work
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choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
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 with minimum salary packages.
For instance
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, limited
work
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 choices can provide minimum financial stability,
consequently
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, the public might suffer
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
financially.
To conclude
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, many individuals live
in
Change preposition
apply
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their entire lives in their
birth
Correct your spelling
birthplaces
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places
Use synonyms
instead
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 of
move
Change the verb form
moving
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 to other locations
due to
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 they
familiar
Add a missing verb
are familiar
show examples
 with all
places
Use synonyms
 in their home town. Social interaction with other residents and close bonding with relatives are the
benefits
Use synonyms
 of
this
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 tendency
while
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 limited
work
Use synonyms
 choices and lack of financial stability are the drawbacks of
this
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 trend.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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coherence cohesion
You need to improve the logical structure of your essay. Ensure there is a natural and clear progression from one paragraph to the next. Use cohesive devices effectively to link your ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Make sure an introduction and a conclusion are present, which clearly indicates the topics to be discussed and summarises the main points of the essay, respectively. Both need to be well-defined.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with concrete, specific examples and explanations. General statements are less compelling without the support of detailed evidence.
task achievement
To fully respond to the task, make sure to address all parts of the prompt in detail. This means not only explaining the reasons and advantages of living in one's hometown but also discussing the disadvantages thoroughly.
task achievement
Your ideas should be expressed clearly and expanded comprehensively. Develop each main point with sufficient explanation and detail for clarity.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to illustrate your points. Your examples should be detailed enough to clearly relate to the concepts you are discussing and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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