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Band 5

The cultures of many countries around the world becomes more similar than they used to be. What are the reasons for this trend? Is it positive or negative? #cultures #countries #world

#cultures #countries #world #trend
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Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
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 of cultures are becoming alike throughout the world. There are several reasons for
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay I will explain why cheap air travel, and developing tourism are the reasons for
this
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 trend and, in my opinion, it is a positive trend because it promotes a peaceful multicultural environment.
Firstly
Linking Words
, inexpensive flights make it easy for
people
Use synonyms
 to travel to other countries as they can afford them. In
such
Linking Words
 a way,
people
Use synonyms
 will explore new traditions and exchange their customs
to
Change preposition
with
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 the locals.
Moreover
Linking Words
, not only will they expand their knowledge about other cultures, but
also
Linking Words
 spread it to their cultural groups.
Public
Correct article usage
The public
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 shares each other's beliefs, and thereby,
adapt
Correct subject-verb agreement
adapts
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 these.
For instance
Linking Words
, since Air India became
pocket friendly
Add a hyphen
pocket-friendly
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, more
foreigns
Correct your spelling
foreigners
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 are visiting Golden Temple Amritsar on Diwali.
Additionally
Linking Words
, these
people
Use synonyms
 started celebrating Diwali in their nations as well.
Secondly
Linking Words
, governments of many states are spending a plethora of money on
tourist
Use synonyms
 places to attract more visitors from overseas.
Infact
Correct your spelling
In fact
, they are introducing vacation packages
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
discount
Fix the agreement mistake
discounts
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, and advertise them internationally.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these
tourist
Use synonyms
 attractions represent a country's culture
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and influence foreign visitors.
For example
Linking Words
,
Indian
Add an article
the Indian
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 government has spent millions of rupees on
Jaipur
Correct article usage
the Jaipur
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museum
Capitalize word
Museum
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 as it is one of the largest
tourist
Use synonyms
destination
Change to a plural noun
destinations
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 in India which displays Indian
jewelry
Change the spelling
jewellery
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, Indian
jewelry
Change the spelling
jewellery
show examples
 has been introduced
in
Change preposition
into
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American
Correct article usage
the American
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 trend.
Finally
Linking Words
, it is a great development which leads to good
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
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 as it promotes multicultural surroundings. By sharing each other's cultural heritage,
people
Use synonyms
 develop good understanding
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and live peacefully together. In conclusion, cultural similarities are occurring in many nations because of air flights of reasonable prices, and
development
Correct article usage
the development
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 of
tourist
Use synonyms
 areas, and it leads to a positive development as it encourages peace and understanding in humans living in diverse society.
Submitted by sran2000amandeep on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly presents one main idea with appropriate supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices effectively throughout the essay to link ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score in task achievement, fully answer all parts of the prompt and make sure your ideas are extended and supported by examples.
task achievement
Your opinion must be clear throughout the essay. It's crucial that you maintain your position consistently and that it's reflected in the conclusion.
task achievement
In the case of a discussion essay, make sure to discuss both views presented in the task, if that is what is required.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Cultural exchange
  • Homogenous
  • Cultural convergence
  • Multinational corporations
  • Cultural diversity
  • Cultural homogenization
  • Cultural richness
  • Cultural identities
  • Preserving
  • Erosion
  • Dominance
  • Technological advancements
  • Consumer culture
  • International understanding
What to do next:
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