In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
It's hard to deny that humans now have longer lives in many countries, which leads some
people
to generate their idea that this
will cause some trouble like economic pressure on the governments. However
, such
a statement lacks both factual and logical fallacies and should be examined meticulously. In my opinion, as far as employment
, culture
and economy are concerned, the whole phenomenon tends to be positive.
First and foremost, the ageing population
helps alleviate the problems of unemployment. To be more specific, more old people
indicate that a larger number of staff are needed to fulfil
the vacant job positions that the old can not do. Verb problem
fill
For example
, Japan has had the highest employment
ratio in the world in recent years, as old people
occupy more than one-third of its population
but most companies require young workers, thus
the ageing population
is able to bring higher employment
percentages.
Furthermore
, old people
always carry the traditional cultural treasures and promote culture
inheriting greatly. Take the case of China: unlike old buildings, some Chinese traditional culture
like creating certain kites are difficult to protect, and the only effective method is inculcating these in the next generation Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
by
old Change preposition
of
people
. Now with the increasing quantity of old citizens in China, as a result
, such
a problem can be solved, for the government can find residents to cultivate young persons.
However
, the opponents raise their viewpoint that numerous old people
would bring great economic pressure to the governments because lots of money and human resources need to be invested to take care of them. Ironically, such
an assumption is too subjective and lacks support, instead
, many items like medicine are absolutely more required by the old, thus
the huge consumption potential can be witnessed that old residents will foster economic development obviously.
Based on the statement and analysis above, the advantages of having an ageing population
evidently outweigh the drawbacks as far as employment
, culture
and economy are concerned. In addition
, it can be predicted that there will be more measures taken in the future to tackle the relevant problems.Submitted by Phigros666 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on improving the clarity of some sentences. Occasionally, complex sentence structures make the reader pause. Simplifying some sentences can enhance readability.
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Task Achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive response to the task. It addresses both the advantages and the disadvantages of an ageing population and explains why the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is rich in content, with clear and comprehensive ideas supported by relevant examples. This indicates a deep understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical flow and structure of your essay are very effective. Each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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