IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The natural resources such as oil and fresh water are being consume at alamring rate. what problems does it cause? How can we solve these problems?

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Nowadays, the world is at a high risk of undergoing a national war, since there is a huge consumption of
energy
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resources
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, drinkable water and forests.
This
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 essay will discuss the consequences of the issue and how to avoid it.
Firstly
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, the rapid growth of the global population has increased the demand for essential
resources
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such
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 as food, water, and
energy
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. When these
resources
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 become scarce, competition for survival can escalate, leading to social unrest and even conflicts between nations.
For example
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, water shortages in some regions have already caused tensions between
neighboring
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neighbouring
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 countries.
Secondly
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, deforestation is a major threat to
air
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 quality, as trees play a crucial role in producing oxygen and absorbing carbon dioxide. If deforestation and wildfires continue at the current rate,
air
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 pollution will worsen, forcing people to rely on artificial oxygen supplies. A recent example is the wildfires in California, which severely degraded
air
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 quality and forced many residents to evacuate their homes. To address these issues, governments must prioritize the use of sustainable and eco-friendly
energy
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 sources. Renewable
energy
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,
such
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 as solar and wind power, is not only more environmentally friendly but
also
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 cost-effective in the long run. By reducing reliance on fossil fuels, countries can decrease pollution and preserve natural
resources
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. Many nations have already taken steps in
this
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 direction.
For instance
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, the UK, known for its windy climate, has invested heavily in wind farms, significantly improving
air
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 quality and reducing carbon emissions. If more countries adopt similar strategies, the depletion of natural
resources
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 can be slowed, ensuring a healthier environment for future generations. In conclusion, the overuse of natural
resources
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 leads to severe consequences, including environmental degradation and global conflicts.
However
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, by promoting sustainable
energy
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 sources and implementing effective policies, governments can prevent
further
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 damage. It is crucial that immediate action is taken to preserve these
resources
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 for the well-being of both current and future generations.

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task achievement
While the introduction clearly states the topic, consider making the thesis statement more specific by outlining the main points that will be discussed in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
In the body paragraphs, ensure that each point is smoothly connected to the previous one. Adding transition words can enhance the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Make sure to elaborate a little more on the potential solutions in the concluding paragraph to reinforce the importance of taking immediate action.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear and relevant response to the prompt, showcasing a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the wildfires in California and the UK's wind farms, adds depth to the argument and enhances credibility.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • depletion
  • exploitation
  • exhaustion
  • conserve
  • sustain
  • mitigate
  • alternative
  • renewable
  • efficiency
  • renewable energy sources
  • water management
  • irrigation
  • drought-resistant crops
  • recycling
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • carbon footprint
  • renewable energy infrastructure
  • regulations
  • awareness campaigns
  • education programs
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