IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #teenagers #work #time #community #teenager #society
Voluntary
work
 is often considered a win-win practice to benefit
teenagers
 and society,
while
 I cannot agree that all
teenagers
 are required to do so
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 as if it is compulsory. The compulsoriness claiming that unpaid
work
 should be
teenagers
’ mandatory duty is essentially a type of disrespectfulness to
teenagers
’ rights.
Teenagers
, as the majority of citizens, have the same rights as we all do, to make their own decisions on how to spend their free time. Considering that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 voluntary
work
 could be promoted among
teenagers
 but should never be compulsory. To illustrate
this
, if there were actually regulations about mandatory unpaid
work
 designated for
teenagers
, it is foreseeable that they would feel their rights offended, probably leading to
petition
Fix the agreement mistake
petitions
show examples
 and
demonstration
Fix the agreement mistake
demonstrations
show examples
, or even worse
conflictions
Correct your spelling
conflicts
show examples
 in the local community.
Additionally
, most unpaid
work
 doesn’t help much with
teenagers
’ courses or career plans.
For instance
, a student who wants to be a graphic designer tends to accumulate his experience in
art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
 field
while
 none of the existing voluntary vacancies is compatible with his career plan, which means, his free time fulfilled with voluntary
work
 is indeed a waste of effort. Doing
this
 can only lead to resentment amongst young people, who would feel that they were being used, and parents, who would not want to be told how to raise their children. Currently, nobody is forced to volunteer, and
this
 is surely the best system. In conclusion,
teenagers
 may choose to
work
 for free and help others, but in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 we should not make
this
 compulsory.
Submitted by zhdw0719 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that the sentences within the paragraph are logically connected to support that topic. Transition words and phrases can help to guide the reader through your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Each body paragraph should contain a clear main idea supported by examples or reasons. The examples should directly relate to the topic and be sufficiently developed to support your point.
Task Achievement
Cover all parts of the task by addressing the prompts comprehensively. Your essay should directly respond to the question asked, with clear opinions and appropriate reasons for your views.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your ideas are clearly and precisely expressed. Your response should include specific examples that are directly relevant to the arguments you are making.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!