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Writing Samples
Band 7

As compared to the past, children these days spend more of their leisure time indoors with computures and TV and less time outdoors. Describe some of the problems this lack of outdoor leisure time can cause and suggest at least one possible solution.

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Compared to the past,
children
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 nowadays spend more of their free
time
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indoors
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 with technology than outdoors.
This
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 essay will discuss the problems caused by the lack of outdoor activities and suggest a few potential solutions. First of all, the absence of outdoor free
time
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 will cause some health issues.
For example
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, researchers have proven that facing screens will lead to visual impairment, and a lack of body movement will lead to obesity. Another cause is that
children
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 will not be able to develop social skills by spending their
time
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 on
computers
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 and other electronic devices
indoors
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.
This
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 often results in bad communication skills, loneliness, and depression.
This
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 shows that there are major
causes
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 for the absence of outdoor
leisure
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time
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,
such
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 as health and social problems.
On the other hand
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, there are potential solutions to the
causes
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. It is recommended that parents reduce the amount of
time
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children
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 spend on technology in the house. If parents are restricted in limiting the
time
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 spent on
computers
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 and TV screens
indoors
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, it will reduce its risks.
For instance
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, an hour a day is convenient for the child to spend in the house watching TV and using
computers
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. A second solution would be introducing outdoor hobbies for
children
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 to practice,
such
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 as football, basketball, swimming, and other outdoor activities.
Therefore
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, in order to overcome the
causes
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 of indoor
leisure
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time
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, it is advocated that
children
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 should be limited in their
time
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 using technology and experience other outdoor interests. In conclusion,
children
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 these days prefer spending their
leisure
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time
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indoors
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instead
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 of going out.
This
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 essay has discussed the
causes
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 of indoor
leisure
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time
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, which are health issues and a lack of social skills.
This
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 essay suggested two solutions: limiting
time
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 spent on
computers
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 and TV screens and enrolling in outdoor hobbies.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a coherent response to the task with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the argument could be enhanced with more varied sentence structures and connectors to improve the logical flow.
task achievement
Your main points are supported but could benefit from more specific examples and details to illustrate the problems and to provide a more in-depth analysis of the proposed solutions.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • obesity
  • screen time
  • social interaction
  • mental health
  • nature deficit disorder
  • posture
  • teamwork
  • structured activities
  • community engagement
  • physical fitness
  • exposure to nature
  • environmental conservation
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