Presently, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
The statistics of people's ages in a
nation
are very crucial as they can decide its future . Nowadays, compared with the number of older people, the sum of people who are in the young category is in the higher account. Use synonyms
Therefore
, I, remain convinced that the drawbacks would be overshadowed by the merits.
On the one hand, the lack of older generations in one country can lead to a lack of experience. Linking Words
Although
they might not be productive enough to work in important posts in the authorities, their advice is very crucial to maintaining or even gaining a better position for the Linking Words
nation
in the world. Use synonyms
However
, it is not an easy way for a country to force them to give advice as most older humans might be happier enjoying their retirement day. Linking Words
In addition
, countries must prepare more money for public care as older folks are riskier to earn illness than the younger. Linking Words
Consequently
, the burden of other important posts Linking Words
such
as education or national protection would be lesser.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, the wheel of economy in the country will move faster if they have a high number of young folks. Linking Words
That is
because they have a better innovation than the older. Linking Words
For instance
, nowadays, the economy of Vietnam has a moderate increase as their young humans have innovation in the technology sector. Linking Words
As a result
, many companies invested in Vietnam, and the number of unemployment has decreased. Linking Words
Secondly
, the younger folks Linking Words
willing
to learn about new technologies which is the thing that the older ones have. Add a missing verb
are willing
Although
they might lack experience, Linking Words
due to
their hard work in learning, they can cope with the problems of technology more easily. Linking Words
Thus
, can impact in a positive way for the Linking Words
nation
.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
although
the older generation might have some experiences, they risk to ill. Linking Words
In contrast
, the young generations have the energy to cope with any problems in Linking Words
this
era and their availability in the Linking Words
nation
will make the wheel of economics move faster. I, Use synonyms
therefore
, remain believe that the merits will eclipse the drawbacks.Linking Words
Submitted by alfathemaster on
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph flows seamlessly from one idea to the next. Use more conjunctions and transitional phrases to connect ideas.
task achievement
The task response can be improved by more thoroughly addressing potential disadvantages and supporting your arguments with more specific examples.
task achievement
Work on refining your ideas to ensure they are clear and comprehensive. This can be achieved by outlining your arguments before writing.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure the overall response.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as the economic impact in Vietnam, are used to support the main points.