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Band 3.5

People can use a mobile phones to answer work and home calls at any place or seven days a week. Do you think there are more negative or positive effects on both individuals and society.

#people #phones #work #home #place #seven #week #effects #individuals #society
Folks tend to use smartphones to deal with work and home calls anytime in a week.
While
 there are two schools
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 thought on
this
 matter,
therefore
 I would like to shed light on
this
 topic in the essay below. As we know smartphones have revolutionized our way of living because since it has been released to the world it has aided us in numerous ways possible. A person from one side of the world can get in touch with someone from another part of the world within seconds, not only that but
people
 are more closer
then
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than
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 ever thanks to mobile phones. There was a fire incident in our neighborhood which was kept under control because
firefighters
Correct article usage
the firefighters
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 team
reached
Verb problem
arrived
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 in time
due to
 being informed via call.
While
 a
phone
 has
it's
Replace the word
its
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 obvious advantages, it has brought on its own set of complex problems.
People
 may have connected from far and beyond, but their
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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 at home suffer. Being on
phone
Correct article usage
the phone
show examples
 has
bring
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brought
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 us closer as a society but separated us as multitudes. We
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 so much time on our phones to feel content,
whereas
people
 who don't as more satisfied than us.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 means,
phone
Add an article
the phone
show examples
 is not that necessary and
people
 have what they need around them. In their family, friends,
neighborhood
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neighbourhood
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 and places around them.
Overall
 there are pros and cons to anything. Despite
this
, I believe
phone
Add an article
the phone
show examples
 has changed our lives for the better and will continue to do so.
Submitted by hina2malik4 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay shows some organization, but the overall progression is not always logical or clear. Paragraphing is adequate, but there may be a lack of clear topic sentences and the flow between ideas could be improved. You should work on creating stronger connections between your main points and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is fully developed.
task achievement
Regarding task achievement, you have responded to the task to a satisfactory extent. However, the response could be more fully developed with a more clear and detailed exposition of the main points. The introduction and conclusion are present but lack a solid thesis statement and a definitive stance on the issue. To enhance your score in task achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the question with detailed explanations and by clearly stating your own position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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