People can use a mobile phones to answer work and home calls at any place or seven days a week. Do you think there are more negative or positive effects on both individuals and society.

#people #phones #work #home #place #seven #week #effects #individuals #society

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Folks tend to use smartphones to deal with work and home calls anytime in a week.

While

Linking Words

there are two schools

Change preposition

show examples

thought on

this

Linking Words

matter,

therefore

Linking Words

I would like to shed light on

this

Linking Words

topic in the essay below. As we know smartphones have revolutionized our way of living because since it has been released to the world it has aided us in numerous ways possible. A person from one side of the world can get in touch with someone from another part of the world within seconds, not only that but

people

Use synonyms

are more closer

Linking Words

then

Replace the word

than

show examples

ever thanks to mobile phones. There was a fire incident in our neighborhood which was kept under control because

firefighters

Correct article usage

the firefighters

show examples

team

reached

Verb problem

arrived

show examples

in time

due to

Linking Words

being informed via call.

While

Linking Words

phone

Use synonyms

has

it's

Replace the word

its

show examples

obvious advantages, it has brought on its own set of complex problems.

People

Use synonyms

may have connected from far and beyond, but their

relationship

Fix the agreement mistake

relationships

show examples

at home suffer. Being on

Use synonyms

phone

Correct article usage

the phone

show examples

has

bring

Change the verb form

brought

show examples

us closer as a society but separated us as multitudes. We

spent

Wrong verb form

spend

show examples

so much time on our phones to feel content,

whereas

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

who don't as more satisfied than us.

Which

Correct pronoun usage

This

show examples

means,

Use synonyms

phone

Add an article

the phone

show examples

is not that necessary and

people

Use synonyms

have what they need around them. In their family, friends,

neighborhood

Change the spelling

neighbourhood

show examples

and places around them.

Overall

Linking Words

there are pros and cons to anything. Despite

this

Linking Words

, I believe

Use synonyms

phone

Add an article

the phone

show examples

has changed our lives for the better and will continue to do so.

Submitted by hina2malik4 on Tue Dec 19 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Your essay shows some organization, but the overall progression is not always logical or clear. Paragraphing is adequate, but there may be a lack of clear topic sentences and the flow between ideas could be improved. You should work on creating stronger connections between your main points and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is fully developed.

task achievement

Regarding task achievement, you have responded to the task to a satisfactory extent. However, the response could be more fully developed with a more clear and detailed exposition of the main points. The introduction and conclusion are present but lack a solid thesis statement and a definitive stance on the issue. To enhance your score in task achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the question with detailed explanations and by clearly stating your own position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

244 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Children are told that if they try hard enough then they can success in some cultures. I think it depends on the thing they work on also the situation they are in, so it is good to try hard but think throughly is far more important before we work so hard on something.
6
band
Buying things on the internet, such as books, air tickets, and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping this way outweigh the disadvantages?
Shopping online offers several advantages, but whether they outweigh the disadvantages depends on individual preferences. One advantage is the convenience of shopping from anywhere at any time, without the need to travel to physical stores. This can save time and effort, especially for those with busy schedules. Online retailers often offer a wider variety of products compared to brick-and-mortar stores, allowing customers to find specific items more easily. Additionally, online shopping enables price comparison across different retailers, helping consumers find the best deals and potentially saving money.
7
band
More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. (What are the reasons for this?, What can be done to solve this problem?) Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Well, there are many reasons why animals become extinct or enter this extensive list, here we will talk about some of them.
6.5
band
In some cities, there are few controls over the design and construction of new homes and office buildings, so people can build in whatever style they like. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
To start with, currently, I'm living in a city where the population is allowed to work on the design of their own houses, office centers, and also some public constructions because everything is going under the control of private businesses etc. I am against of system like this, because it leads to the bad appearance of the city, and makes everything disgusting to look at.
<4
band
Research shows that business meetings, discussions and training are increasingly taking place online nowadays. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?
Due to the rapid growth of technology, the world has come a long way . In the midst of change, internet become an integral part of the society . We can't even imagine a day without the internet. Over the past few years platforms like business , shopping , education , meeting and many more have shifted to online . There is a range of conflicting arguments related to the assertion . There are plethora of pros as well as some cons . In the succeeding monograph, I intend to delve into the rationale for both perspectives as well as proffer examples to justify the notion .

People can use a mobile phones to answer work and home calls at any place or seven days a week. Do you think there are more negative or positive effects on both individuals and society.

Fully explain your ideas

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Buying things on the internet, such as books, air tickets, and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping this way outweigh the disadvantages?

More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. (What are the reasons for this?, What can be done to solve this problem?) Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In some cities, there are few controls over the design and construction of new homes and office buildings, so people can build in whatever style they like. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Research shows that business meetings, discussions and training are increasingly taking place online nowadays. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?