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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the proportion of population aged 65 and over in major developed countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The graph shows the proportion of population aged 65 and over in major developed countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
#proportion #population #countries #information #features #comparisons #minutes
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The line chart illustrates the percentage of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 between
65-year
Correct your spelling
65 years
 old and over in the US, Sweden and
Japan
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 from 1940 to now and their estimated values in 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, USA and Sweden demonstrated significant increases between 1940 and 2020
although
Linking Words
Japan
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 saw a slight increase over the period.
Japan
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 is estimated to have the most aged
population
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 compared to its counterparts in 2040. In 1940, the USA's
population
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 between
65-year
Correct your spelling
65 years
 old and older was just below 10% and
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 slowly increased to 10% before surging to just above 15% in 1980. After a drop of around 2% over a decade, its value remained relatively stable until 2020. It is set to
incline
Verb problem
increase
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 to around 22% in 2040. The
population
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 between 65 and more than 65
years
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 old was about 7% in 1940 and
then
Linking Words
 its value increased gradually to below 10% in 1960.
This
Linking Words
 proportion rose more rapidly to below 15% over the period of 20
years
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 before decreasing slightly. It is set to reach a quarter of the total
population
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 in 2040. The elderly
population
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 between 65
years
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 old and above in
Japan
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 was roughly 5% in 1940. It slightly dropped to around 3% in 1960 and
its
Change the pronoun
it
show examples
 stayed relatively constant at
this
Linking Words
 level
more
Change preposition
for more
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 than 20
years
Use synonyms
. It returned
its
Change preposition
to its
show examples
 1940 level between 2000 and 2010 before growing gradually until now. It is predicted to increase dramatically to around 25% in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 short term and
reached
Wrong verb form
reach
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to
Change preposition
apply
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about 27% in 2040.
Submitted by historicalpen on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, japan, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "set" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Proportion
  • Aged population
  • Developed countries
  • Trends
  • Demographics
  • Percentage points
  • Elderly dependency ratio
  • Comparative analysis
  • Statistical data
  • Population aging
  • Societal impact
  • Policy implications
  • Age demographics
  • Significant increase/decrease
  • Data interpretation
  • Forecast
  • Longevity
  • Birth rate
  • Life expectancy
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