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Band 5

Globalization is creating a world of one culture and destroying national identity. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#globalization #world #culture #identity
Globalization
 has had a considerable effect on the
world
 the over
last
 few decades.
While
 some
people
 believe that
this
 effect has destroyed the national identity as
globalization
 is creating a
world
 of one
culture
. I
am agree
Change the verb form
agree
show examples
with
this
 statement and in
this
 essay, I will explain the reasons to support
this
 statement. On the one hand, there is the issue of entertainment as the
people
 of many countries are not interested in their local entertainment as they have a variety of entertainment from different countries
due to
globalization
 and technology and
this
 can be a consequence of the local
culture
.
In addition
 to
this
, there is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 problem with language as
people
 all over the
world
 prefer to speak English and they are not speaking their native languages and it can be
serious
Add an article
a serious
show examples
 issue
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in the future as
people
 will change the way of their communication. Despite
this
,
due to
globalization
 banks are interested in cooperation for lending money and
this
 prevents local businesses from getting money and they are not getting opportunities to expand their business.
In addition
 to
this
, individuals are forgetting their
culture
as well as
 following other cultures' traditions and practices which have a negative influence on societies. In conclusion,
globalization
 brings many merits to the
world
 but it has negative implications on the national identity
people
 have to focus on their local
culture
. If we allow
globalization
 to continue to dominate local cultures, in the future we will have a better
world
.
Submitted by sirat on

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Task Achievement
Your introduction is somewhat clear, but lacks a clear thesis statement outlining your position. Ensure that your introduction succinctly states your view on the topic and previews the points you plan to make.
Task Achievement
Your development of ideas is inadequate. Ideas should be fully developed with clear, relevant examples. Be sure to expand on each point you make with specific details and examples to support your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The organization of the essay is fairly basic. You need to work on logical sequencing of ideas and paragraphs, using a range of cohesive devices to link ideas, and creating clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay lacks a variety of cohesive devices to manage the relation between sentences and paragraphs. Consider using synonyms, pronouns or parallel structures to improve the connectivity of ideas.
Language (Grammar & Vocabulary)
Be sure to proofread your essay for grammatical accuracy and correct use of vocabulary, as errors can hinder the clarity of your argument and affect your overall score.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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