IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Globalization is creating a world of one culture and destroying national identity. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#globalization #world #culture #identity
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Globalization
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 has had a considerable effect on the
world
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 the over
last
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 few decades.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that
this
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 effect has destroyed the national identity as
globalization
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 is creating a
world
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 of one
culture
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. I
am agree
Change the verb form
agree
show examples
with
this
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 statement and in
this
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 essay, I will explain the reasons to support
this
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 statement. On the one hand, there is the issue of entertainment as the
people
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 of many countries are not interested in their local entertainment as they have a variety of entertainment from different countries
due to
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globalization
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 and technology and
this
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 can be a consequence of the local
culture
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.
In addition
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 to
this
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, there is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 problem with language as
people
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 all over the
world
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 prefer to speak English and they are not speaking their native languages and it can be
serious
Add an article
a serious
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 issue
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in the future as
people
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 will change the way of their communication. Despite
this
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,
due to
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globalization
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 banks are interested in cooperation for lending money and
this
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 prevents local businesses from getting money and they are not getting opportunities to expand their business.
In addition
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 to
this
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, individuals are forgetting their
culture
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as well as
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 following other cultures' traditions and practices which have a negative influence on societies. In conclusion,
globalization
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 brings many merits to the
world
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 but it has negative implications on the national identity
people
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 have to focus on their local
culture
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. If we allow
globalization
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 to continue to dominate local cultures, in the future we will have a better
world
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.
Submitted by sirat on

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Task Achievement
Your introduction is somewhat clear, but lacks a clear thesis statement outlining your position. Ensure that your introduction succinctly states your view on the topic and previews the points you plan to make.
Task Achievement
Your development of ideas is inadequate. Ideas should be fully developed with clear, relevant examples. Be sure to expand on each point you make with specific details and examples to support your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The organization of the essay is fairly basic. You need to work on logical sequencing of ideas and paragraphs, using a range of cohesive devices to link ideas, and creating clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay lacks a variety of cohesive devices to manage the relation between sentences and paragraphs. Consider using synonyms, pronouns or parallel structures to improve the connectivity of ideas.
Language (Grammar & Vocabulary)
Be sure to proofread your essay for grammatical accuracy and correct use of vocabulary, as errors can hinder the clarity of your argument and affect your overall score.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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