The tv and the internet provide opportunity to ordinary people to become famous.Is this a positive or a negative development ?
The
tv
and the internet provide Correct your spelling
TV
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
to
ordinary people to become famous.Is Change preposition
for
this
a positive or a negative development ?
Nowadays part of some people are getting popular by
Change preposition
with
tv
shows and media. Correct your spelling
TV
In
addition
popularity includes a lot of benefits, one of them are money from content and contracts. But the coin has another side. It is Add a comma
addition,
danger
to Add an article
a danger
famous
person’s Correct article usage
a famous
life
. Because of envy.
As it is obvious from the internet, celebrities earn a huge amount of cash from using their face in advertisements and if the famous person is Add an article
a super
super star
, there will be more demand for his name in companies products. Correct your spelling
superstar
For example
, Cristiano Ronaldo which
is the best footballer uses his appearance in things and Correct pronoun usage
who
earn
Correct subject-verb agreement
earns
from
Change preposition
apply
that
3 million Correct determiner usage
apply
of
dollars every month.
UnlessChange preposition
apply
,
popular figures risk Remove the comma
apply
with
their Change preposition
apply
life
. In the same way
their risks Add a comma
way,
justified
with money. But Add a missing verb
are justified
life
is more important than money and from the media, you can see how celebs lost their life
. For example
in 20th
century, John Kennedy who was Correct article usage
the 20th
very
noticeable president in the USA, was killed by someone because of his popularity.
In conclusion, Correct article usage
a very
the
fame has Correct article usage
apply
good
part for people because of Add an article
a good
salary
from deals, but Correct article usage
the salary
also
make
Verb problem
apply
risk
to Correct subject-verb agreement
risks
celeb’s
Correct article usage
a celeb’s
life
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on
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task achievement
You need to provide a clear introduction that paraphrases the question and states your thesis. Also, make sure to include a conclusion that succinctly summarizes your main points and restates your position.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay lacks a cohesive structure and clear paragraphing. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that introduces the point you will discuss therein. Logical connectors should be used to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
task achievement
You should support your main points with more elaborated examples and explanations. Also, ensure that your examples are relevant and directly support the argument you are making.
task achievement
The development of ideas is uneven and lacks depth. Expand on the potential benefits and drawbacks of being famous with more specific details to create a balanced argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use a range of linking words to structure your essay more coherently and to help the reader understand the relationship between ideas.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.