People are becoming famous with the help of TV programs and internet. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

It is quite common these days for people to become famous through appearing in TV programs and the internet.
This
trend would create certain benefits but there will
also
be some drawbacks.
This
essay will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of
this
method of pursuing
fame
. On the one hand, there are several reasons why utilizing the help of new media to achieve
fame
can be beneficial. A common reason is the improvement of the individual's financial state through their
fame
. To elaborate, unlike previous entertainment mediums that limit the chances of
fame
to a minority of people, the internet is a diverse space that gives everyone equal opportunities to be discovered and well-known.
Thus
, for people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
are less fortunate, it serves as a golden ticket to change their lives, as they can capitalize on their personal brand for endorsements and deals, bringing in significantly higher income. As an example, a news broadcast by VTV24 in 2021 depicts how
due to
gaining significant popularity on Tiktok, a farmer in Ninh Binh province made 5 times more than his previous income.
On the other hand
,
this
phenomenon can
also
pose a threat to the individual's
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
. By agreeing to appear on these shows, a person is at risk of receiving heavy criticism from the masses, sometimes through no fault of their own.
As a result
of the huge appeal of these platforms, toxic minorities are sure to be included and can personally attack anyone in a show for no particular reason. Without proper mental preparations, receiving
such
harsh critique can be a detriment to one's mental state, prompting them to fall into depression from
cyber-bullying
Correct your spelling
cyberbullying
show examples
. A good example of
this
is the Japanese reality TV show Terrace House, where a participant named Hana Kimura was sent death threats through Twitter from a small altercation with a fellow participant, which ultimately resulted in her suicide. In conclusion, becoming more popular through television and social media could bring about certain advantages, but its negative consequences should not be overlooked, as it can lead to tragic outcomes.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to maintain flow.
coherence cohesion
Work on crafting a stronger thesis statement in your introduction to clearly present the purpose of the essay.
coherence cohesion
While your main points are supported, aim to provide a more balanced discussion by equally elaborating on both advantages and disadvantages
task achievement
Ensure that your response fully addresses all parts of the task. Both the benefits and drawbacks were mentioned, but more distinct points and analysis could enrich the discussion.
task achievement
While you included clear ideas and relevant examples, consider adding more details and depth to each point to enhance the comprehensiveness of your essay.
task achievement
Incorporate a wider range of examples and evidence to better support your ideas and arguments throughout the essay.

Your opinion

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Accessibility
  • Exposure
  • Democratization
  • Recognition
  • Sponsorships
  • Endorsements
  • Ephemeral
  • Fleeting
  • Scrutiny
  • Intrusive
  • Sensationalism
  • Viral trends
  • Content creation
  • Public eye
  • Genuine talent
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