IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#sales #five #phone #brands #information #features #comparisons
The bar chart compares the changes in sales of five different phone companies in the world within a 4 years period from 2009 to 2013
Overall
, it can be seen that the two dominant companies experienced a position replacement. The majority of the surveyed companies showed upward trends with only two exceptions being
Nokia
 and LG. Having overtaken the worldwide market in 2009 with nearly 450
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 products purchased,
Nokia
 witnessed a drastically declined after 2011,
ended
Wrong verb form
ending
show examples
 at
apporximately
Correct your spelling
approximately
 half of its peak 4 years before.
Similarly
, LG with the beginning statistics of over 120 units sold, which is about one-fourth that of
Nokia
 at the same time. In the following years, LG
user’s
Fix the agreement mistake
users’
show examples
consumpsion graduallly
Correct your spelling
consumption gradually
 decreased by around 50
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 units.
In contrast
 to the negative growth seen
at
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the former champion in the market, Samsung whose starting point stood at around 30
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 sales fewer than
Nokia
 in 2013, dramatically surged up to twice the amount of
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
, surpassing its counterpart’s highest point at sharply 450
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 phones sold in 2013. Apple
also
 followed the same rise, gaining over 350% growth and
ended
Wrong verb form
ending
show examples
 at roughly 150
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 units purchases.
In contrast
 to the former two’s
skyrocketting
Correct your spelling
skyrocketing
, ZTE despite
also
witnessed
Wrong verb form
witnessing
show examples
 growth, still
sood
Correct your spelling
stood
 at below 100
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 sales with
minor
Correct article usage
a minor
show examples
 increase.
Submitted by lyhuongclc on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, in contrast".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words nokia, millions with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: