IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Recently, abortion increases rapidly and becomes a controversial topic. Some people suppose that abortion should be legal while others are against it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Recently we assisted in a global increase in early termination of pregnancy. These days many people believe that
abortion
Use synonyms
 is a right that every woman must have, others,
instead
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, think that it should be illegal. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the reason why removing the possibility of
abortion
Use synonyms
 might be unethical against women's rights. There are several reasons why people are against
this
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 practice. In the first place, it is a common opinion that terminating a pregnancy can be unsafe for women, in fact, a woman out of 10 is diagnosed with an infection after the surgery.
Moreover
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, most religions appeal to ethics,
for instance
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, is ethically correct to kill a lifeform even if it is not conscious yet? Unfortunately, there is no correct answer to
this
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 question,
However
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, antiabortionists, call
this
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 feticide. On the other side, most of society believes that the choice of becoming a parent or not is sacred.
To begin
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 with, as Dr Smith explained during his interview at "Passion Medicine", the data mentioned in the previous paragraphs are not proven with any medical records, and
for
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this
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 reason, are unreliable.
In addition
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, recent psychological studies from the University of Boston state, and I quote," 8 babies out of 10 were not planned"
This
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 means that contraception is not infallible.
In addition
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 to that, a recent survey made in WA
last
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 year reported that 85% of Western Australians consider
abortion
Use synonyms
 a human right which should never be revoked. In conclusion, despite many people
believe
Wrong verb form
believing
show examples
 that
abortion
Use synonyms
 is an unethical and unacceptable option, The research proves that these human rights allow women to have control of their bodies.

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coherence cohesion
The essay presents a structure that includes an introduction, body and conclusion. However, the logical sequencing of ideas could be improved for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
The main points are supported, yet could benefit from more varied and detailed examples. Unclear references (e.g., 'these days,' 'some people,' or 'most of society') could be replaced with clearer, more precise language.
task achievement
While the overall response addresses the task, the arguments for and against abortion could be explicated more comprehensively. The essay should answer all parts of the task explicitly, providing clear arguments and pertinent examples.
task achievement
The ideas regarding the opposition to abortion could be more fully explored to effectively balance the essay. Additionally, ensure examples are factually accurate and reflect real statistics or studies to enhance the authority of the essay.
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