Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving a car or motorbike. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, the quantity of car accidents has displayed
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significant growth, which bothers most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people. Many people indicate that the minimum legal
age
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
driving licenses must be high,
while
others think that the government should take measures to reduce the number of car crashes. I completely agree with
this
notion,
however
, other solutions may be done to improve road safety.
To begin
with, one of the workable solutions is to raise the
age
of permission for driving different types of vehicles
such
as cars, trucks or motorbikes. To be more clear, people will be more responsible
as well as
more conscious
while
driving.
Moreover
,the government can add a rule that every couple of years drivers must retake exams to be allowed to continue driving.
Thus
,citizens will always keep in mind the rules and will rarely break the
law
.
Furthermore
, we may consider the method of points which works in my country, and which reduce immediately the number of car crashes. Saying thoroughly, all drivers who have already had driving licenses will be given 10 points per year and every breaking the
law
they will lose a point.
Hence
,
due to
the system, the society will be more cautious,
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
losing all given points, they will be deprived of driving.
For instance
, when the
law
came into effect in my country 2 years ago, my father had just realized the power of the
law
and seldom lost a point. From my point of view, it will be a very smart decision to surge the legal
age
,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
it is not the only method for road safety. Taking everything into consideration, scores of methods can be done to lessen accidents on the road
such
as increasing the minimum legal
age
for driving,
adding
Correct word choice
and adding
show examples
in right retake exams, to name just a few.
Submitted by alex.martirosyan201206 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay shows an understanding of the topic with a clear position however, it lacks a strong conclusion summarizing the thesis and the main points argued. For Task Achievement, make sure to address all parts of the task and provide a complete response, as well as clear and comprehensive ideas supported by relevant and specific examples. A more distinct conclusion could significantly bolster the complete response score.
coherence cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, it is vital to organize ideas clearly and logically. Your essay is generally well-structured but it presents some room for improvement in terms of paragraph development. Introduction and conclusion are both crucial for a good essay structure. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea, and it should be expanded upon with explanation and examples. Transition words and phrases can help guide the reader and enhance the flow of the essay. Consistent use of these tools invites a more coherent and cohesive structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: