IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The tendency of people to imitate each other is evident in the popularity of fashionable clothes and consumer goods. To what extent do you agree?

#tendency #people #popularity #clothes #consumer #goods
In the modern
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
 the public has few jobs at the same time. Is it useful for
people
 or
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
? Experts and
people
 seem to have been discussing
this
 occasion for a long time. Some will agree with the statement,
whereas
 there are opponents of
this
 view.
This
 essay will present my opinion and discuss both sides of the issue. There are some reasons why individuals have more than
one
 job at the same time. First of all, nowadays,
people
 tend to develop their skills. Sometimes, a person can work in the field of medicine and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
be keen on painting. In
one
 moment their hobby will lead to earning
money
, if a human wants it.
Moreover
, there are many various
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
labors
Change the spelling
labours
show examples
 covering different fields.
For instance
, a person who
able
Add a missing verb
is able
show examples
 to sing can have
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 jobs,
such
 as teaching and singing in a restaurant.
However
, there are advantages and drawbacks to
have
Change the verb form
having
show examples
 several jobs. On the
one
 hand,
due to
 that
people
 broaden
horizons
Correct pronoun usage
their horizons
show examples
 and improve
work
Correct pronoun usage
their work
show examples
 skills.
In addition
, they can earn more
money
. Possibly,
this
 way can help individuals to find
one
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
true vocation.
On the other hand
, there are some disadvantages to
work
Change the verb form
working
show examples
 in several
labors
Change the spelling
labours
show examples
.
People
 can run into burnout, it has a negative effect on mental health. At that, it difficult to keep interest and attention on few things, by doing so
people
 can are not good at certain activity.
According to
 my opinion,
this
 way for talented and
creativity
Replace the word
creative
show examples
people
. Not everyone might develop different skills for earning
money
, possible to focus
one
Change preposition
on one
show examples
 thing
will
Correct pronoun usage
that will
show examples
 be better. All things considered, the obvious conclusion to be drawn is that in the current
Add a comma
word,
show examples
word
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
 the public tends to progress and find new ways
making
Change preposition
of making
show examples
money
.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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task achievement
You should ensure your essay directly addresses the question posed and remains on topic throughout. Each paragraph needs to have a clear main idea that relates back to the essay prompt.
task achievement
Develop your arguments further with specific examples and details. This will show a deeper understanding of the topic and provide evidence for your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating a clear and logical structure in your writing. This includes having a clear introduction, body paragraphs that flow logically from one to the next, and a concluding paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Link your ideas more clearly using a range of cohesive devices and topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to guide the reader through your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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