The graph shows the proportion of population aged 65 and over in major developed countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The diagram illustrates the proportion of
population
aged over 65 in three industrial countries. Add an article
the population
Overall
, all the countries, USA
, Sweden, and Japan predicted will dramatically increase over 100 years
.
At first,
In 1940, citizen in USA
Correct article usage
the USA
with
over 65 Change preposition
apply
years
aged
was just under 10% of the population and it went up for 40 Change preposition
of age
years
that reached
the number of 15%. Wrong verb form
reach
Moreover
, it forecast
Wrong verb form
forecasted
Correct article usage
a rapidly
rapidly
increase in the future with a slight Change the word
rapid
fluctuate
. Replace the word
fluctuation
At the end
of 2040, predictions show people over 65 years
in USA
will stand up above 20%.
Correct article usage
the USA
Next,
just like USA
, people with unproductive ages in Sweden started from under 10% in 1940. Correct article usage
the USA
Furthermore
, it considerably rose for a long 100 years
with a small fluctuated
which Replace the word
fluctuation
forecast
will reach Add a missing verb
is forecast
the
25% as a peak in 2040.
Correct article usage
apply
Lastly
, Japan's proportion started at 5%, not as
same Correct article usage
the as
like
others, it went down for approximately 40 Change preposition
apply
years
. Then
, it has a quick change with 15
% increase between 2020 and 2040. In 2040, the population expected will be more than 25%.Correct article usage
a 15
Submitted by joyapakpahan on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words usa, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuate" was used 2 times.
▼