In some cultures, children are often told that they can achive anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#cultures #children #achive #message

Nowadays, some adults teach their children that if they work harder

then

they will get payback.

This

way has some benefits and

also

a few drawbacks, the following content will outline the

explaination

Correct your spelling

explanation

Firstly

it is clear that

this

Change the article

show examples

effective method to encourage

kids

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because they will enhance their proficiency

while

chasing the goal.

For example

mathematic

Replace the word

mathematics

show examples

lesson is always a complicated problem for students, some of them give up during learning because lack of

inconfidence

Correct your spelling

confidence

in confidence

Change preposition

show examples

their abilities.

However

, if they believed they

will

Wrong verb form

would

show examples

obtain

better

Add an article

a better

show examples

Fix the agreement mistake

scores

show examples

score

Fix the agreement mistake

scores

show examples

,when they

study

Wrong verb form

studied

show examples

practice

Wrong verb form

practised

show examples

more,

this

would

Replace the word

motivate

show examples

motive

Replace the word

motivate

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

they

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

practice

the lesson harder.

As a result

, they are willing to learn by themselves.

Nevertheless

, talent is more important than effort in certain fields,

therefore

, children might face more failures and lead to

inconfident

Correct your spelling

confident

in confident

than previous.

For instance

, art is a very classic sample, some

kids

use

Verb problem

spend

show examples

most of their time

Wrong verb form

practising

show examples

practice

, but

could not

Wrong verb form

cannot

show examples

acquire

better

Add an article

a better

show examples

level.

In contrast

, a few of them are born

for

Change preposition

show examples

this

field, they reach higher

level

Fix the agreement mistake

levels

show examples

more rapidly

Change preposition

with

show examples

less

practice

. At

this

moment, the former

kids

could feel frustrated when they understand the gap between them and the latter

kids

Therefore

this

could be an obvious drawback for certain students. In conclusion, the message could encourage people easily, because they believe the final result could be influenced by their effort.

However

this

could

also

be a shortage when people realise their time and energy spent throughout the process could be useless. Personally, I think the ways of teaching need to be

catergorised

Correct your spelling

categorised

categorized

to different children

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and find the appropriate method to teach each of them.

Submitted by chaoweikevin on Wed Dec 20 2023

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Coherence & Cohesion

The essay needs a clearer and more coherent structure. Use clear paragraphs, each beginning with a topic sentence that succinctly states the main idea of the paragraph.

Task Achievement

Examples provided should be more detailed and relevant to support the argument better. They could be drawn from a wider range of sources and should be directly related to the point being made.

Coherence & Cohesion

Work on using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.

Task Achievement

Improve on the completeness of the response by addressing all parts of the task more fully and ensuring that both advantages and disadvantages are explored equally.

Task Achievement

Enhance clarity by precisely stating ideas and avoiding generalizations that could make the arguments vague.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – advantages
Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

The main advantage is...
The disadvantage of this...
The main benefit...
Despite these advantages...
One possible drawback...

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

274 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achive anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

The use of social media is replacing face - to - face interaction among many people in society. Do you theadvantages outwetgh the disadvantages?

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year before starting university

Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract more local people to visit these places?

Some think that the new public building constructions such as museums, town halls or sporting facilities is more important than renovation of the existing ones, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.