In some cultures, children are often told that they can achive anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Nowadays, some adults teach their children that if they work harder
then
they will get payback. This
way has some benefits and also
a few drawbacks, the following content will outline the explaination
.
Correct your spelling
explanation
Firstly
, it is clear that
this
is a
effective method to encourage Change the article
an
kids
,
because they will enhance their proficiency Remove the comma
apply
while
chasing the goal. For example
, mathematic
lesson is always a complicated problem for students, some of them give up during learning because lack of Replace the word
mathematics
inconfidence
Correct your spelling
confidence
in confidence
of
their abilities. Change preposition
in
However
, if they believed they will
obtain Wrong verb form
would
better
Add an article
a better
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
score
,when they Fix the agreement mistake
scores
study
or Wrong verb form
studied
practice
more, Wrong verb form
practised
this
would Replace the word
motivate
motive
Replace the word
motivate
Correct pronoun usage
them
they
to Correct pronoun usage
them
practice
the lesson harder. As a result
, they are willing to learn by themselves.
Nevertheless
, talent is more important than effort in certain fields, therefore
, children might face more failures and lead to inconfident
than previous. Correct your spelling
confident
in confident
For instance
, art is a very classic sample, some kids
use
most of their time Verb problem
spend
to
Wrong verb form
practising
practice
, but could not
acquire Wrong verb form
cannot
better
level. Add an article
a better
In contrast
, a few of them are born for
Change preposition
in
this
field, they reach higher level
more rapidly Fix the agreement mistake
levels
by
less Change preposition
with
practice
. At this
moment, the former kids
could feel frustrated when they understand the gap between them and the latter kids
. Therefore
, this
could be an obvious drawback for certain students.
In conclusion, the message could encourage people easily, because they believe the final result could be influenced by their effort. However
, this
could also
be a shortage when people realise their time and energy spent throughout the process could be useless. Personally, I think the ways of teaching need to be catergorised
to different childrenCorrect your spelling
categorised
categorized
,
and find the appropriate method to teach each of them.Remove the comma
apply
Submitted by chaoweikevin on
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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay needs a clearer and more coherent structure. Use clear paragraphs, each beginning with a topic sentence that succinctly states the main idea of the paragraph.
Task Achievement
Examples provided should be more detailed and relevant to support the argument better. They could be drawn from a wider range of sources and should be directly related to the point being made.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Improve on the completeness of the response by addressing all parts of the task more fully and ensuring that both advantages and disadvantages are explored equally.
Task Achievement
Enhance clarity by precisely stating ideas and avoiding generalizations that could make the arguments vague.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic
IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.
Answer structure for the type of essay
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – advantages
- Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- The main advantage is...
- The disadvantage of this...
- The main benefit...
- Despite these advantages...
- One possible drawback...