IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Social media enable people to keep in touch with each other and learn about the news. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#media #people #touch #news
Owing to platforms individuals can share anything with each other and they will know what
happen
Wrong verb form
is happening
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 in the world so they might be more
wareness
Correct your spelling
aware
.
This
Correct determiner usage
The
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 positives of
this
 statement
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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outweigh its drawbacks. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will explore both
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
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 and positive of
this
 point. The most and foremost
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
 is that there will be more useful channels that society can follow and learn
by
Change preposition
with
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aclick
Correct your spelling
click
a click
what ever
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whatever
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 they want with uncountable channels.
Thor
Correct your spelling
For
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 instance, telegram and instregram have
seen
Add a missing verb
been seen
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more
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as more
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 useful and
worth
Replace the word
worthwhile
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platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
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.
Additionally
, social media help us to communicate with other
people
 if they are friends, family or even
if
Correct word choice
apply
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from other countries, so because of that they might
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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learn about other
cultural
Replace the word
cultures
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.
As a consequence
,
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 two
positive
Fix the agreement mistake
positives
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 have been supporting individuals to be more
intelegent
Correct your spelling
intelligent
due to
 their learning. Perhaps these advantages are more
convince
Change the form of the verb
convincing
show examples
. Turning to
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
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 of social media. Learning appealing behavior from these new
well_ known
Correct your spelling
well-known
people
.to be more precise
people
 follow these
people
 and they will do the same so they will affect them in a bad way and they might have
unsecsseful
Correct article usage
an unsecsseful
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 future.
Secondly
,
people
 nowadays spend in less hours in front of these channels so they damage their health.  In conclusion. I tend to aside
of
Change preposition
that
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 social media has more
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
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 than disadvantages. Learning and
communicate
Wrong verb form
communicating
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have
Verb problem
are
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 more
a
Correct article usage
apply
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valuable
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days.
Submitted by fatima1173 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear logical structure by presenting ideas in a more organized manner. Use paragraphs effectively, grouping similar ideas together and ensuring that one paragraph flows to the next coherently.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include an introduction and conclusion that clearly state your position and summarize the key points of the essay. The introduction and conclusion were present but need to better outline the main argument and the overall stance of the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples. Where relevant, include statistics, anecdotes, or evidence that reinforce your arguments. The essay lacked specificity in the examples provided.
Task Achievement
Complete the task by fully addressing all parts of the prompt. Your response must cover the advantages and disadvantages of social media equally and conclude with a reasoned argument.
Task Achievement
Present clear and comprehensive ideas in your essay. While pros and cons were mentioned, the points were not thoroughly developed, and ideas were not always conveyed with clarity.
Task Achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to support each idea. Your essay should provide concrete examples to illustrate the advantages and disadvantages discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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