IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #information #research #business #world
At
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First
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first,
I need to clarify that I completely agree
with
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that
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 all the
informations
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information
pieces of information
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 should be shared
to
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with
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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others. From my point of view, all the scientific
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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 must be clear and honest with all the
evidences
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evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
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 and experiments.
Initially
, I would like to say that the world could not go
further
 if any developments
would
Verb problem
did
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 not happen. And following
that innovations
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that innovation
those innovations
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, it would not be possible
by hiding
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to hide
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 knowledge
to
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from
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theirselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
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. It may diminish the opportunity of improving and
trust
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trusting
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 scientists. It is worth bearing in mind that the main purpose of any research is to
make
Verb problem
enlighten
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 another scientist
enlight
Verb problem
apply
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.
For instance
, I am a veterinarian who trying to be
best
Correct article usage
the best
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 of my version. I completed my internships
at
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apply
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overseas twice. Both of them
was
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were
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 a fantastic opportunity for me and I
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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learned numerous things from my tutors. If they could think
selfish
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selfishly
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 and keep the valuable
knowledges
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knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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 by themselves, I would not be here as a confident veterinarian today.
Beside
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Besides
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 all those, it is
esential
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essential
 that science must be for humanity, not for personal aims.
On the other hand
, of
course
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course,
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 there are prizes for those who are eminent in their field,
such
 as
Nobel
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the Nobel
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, but
at
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in
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 the
end
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end,
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 we only talk about the inventors who could change our globe.
In addition
,
for
example
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example,
show examples
 Grahambel would keep
telephone
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the telephone
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 by himself, maybe many things
which
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apply
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linked
with
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to
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 it, like
internet
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the internet
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, would not
be
Wrong verb form
have been
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 invented. All in
all
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all,
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 it seems to me that, the main goal must be being a person who serves
for
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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others.
Submitted by fatmanurdonertas on

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task achievement
Ensure you discuss both views presented in the question before giving your own opinion. Your essay mostly presents your personal view without a balanced discussion of the other viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Use clear paragraphing to separate ideas and better organize your essay. This helps in showing a logical progression of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Develop your arguments with clearer main points and supporting details. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence followed by explanations or examples.
task achievement
Provide specific examples that are directly relevant to the claims you are making. This helps to demonstrate that you understand the topic fully.
task achievement
Avoid personal anecdotes unless they directly relate and provide insight into the general topic. The IELTS exam focuses on your ability to discuss general topics and viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
Improve your essay by writing a clear introduction that presents the topic and a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your opinion. These elements provide a framework for your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
What to do next:
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