IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and town, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?

Numerous teenagers want to live in a city or town, so they decide to leave the rural area, and most of the elderly
people
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 stay in the village. There are many drawbacks,
such
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 as getting distracted in a new location and struggling to live. So, to overcome
this
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 situation, there are solutions like providing amenities and facilities in the countryside and finding better ways to live in a village. On the one hand, most of the youth want to live a luxurious and rich life, so they come to modern cities or towns, where they face a lot of distractions like making friends with bad
people
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 and being influenced by them.
Moreover
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, in
such
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 fast-paced cities, new young
people
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 struggle a lot in terms of accommodation, travel, and food.
For example
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, in India, there is a city called Mumbai, where around 1 million young
people
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 come for jobs.
On the other hand
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, to avoid
such
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 conditions, in order to leave old
people
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 in rural areas. The government should construct high technological amenities and facilities like hospitals, supermarkets, schools, and colleges in villages.
Furthermore
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, youth who leave rural areas should find better ways to stay in their villages, where they can search for their professional jobs and other aspects of life.
For instance
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, providing the best facilities can improve the living standard of village
people
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as well as
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 young
people
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Rephrase
apply
show examples
also
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. In conclusion, children want to build their careers in urban areas, but there are a lot of problems which can not be faced or solved by them. So, the authorities should develop the countryside.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear focus and supports your main argument. This helps the reader to follow your ideas more easily.
task achievement
Try to give more examples to explain your points clearly. This shows that you understand the topic well.
task achievement
Add a few sentences to explain why young people leave the countryside. This will help to make your response more complete.
coherence and cohesion
Use connecting words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to guide the reader through your ideas. This helps to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
You identified a clear problem regarding young people leaving for cities. This shows understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You included potential solutions, which is a key part of the task.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural exodus
  • workforce decline
  • social services
  • cultural erosion
  • economic stagnation
  • depopulation
  • infrastructure burden
  • generational gap
  • policy interventions
  • economic diversification
  • rural infrastructure
  • community-based projects
  • mobile healthcare
  • communal ties
  • incentive schemes
  • urban influx
  • village abandonment
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