IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Overpopulation is a pressing issue. What are the key factors driving this population growth?

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There is an ongoing debate regarding whether overpopulation is mainly caused by economic development or by improvements in living conditions. In my opinion, both factors contribute significantly to population growth. One major cause of overpopulation is the abundance of employment opportunities in urban
areas
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. Large
cities
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 often host a multitude of businesses , multinational corporations, and start-ups, which attract people from rural regions in search of better careers and higher salaries.
As a result
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, the population in metropolitan
areas
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 increases rapidly , putting pressure on housing , transportation systems, and public services. Another contributing factor is the superior infrastructure and quality of life available in developed
cities
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. Many urban
areas
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 provide modern amenities
such
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 as well-maintained roads, advanced healthcare systems, educational institutions, and recreational venues. These conveniences,
together with
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 greater access to utilities and public services, encourage more people to settle in
cities
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 permanently.
Consequently
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, urban populations continue to rise steadily over time. To address
this
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 issue, governments should implement effective decentralisation policies. One possible solution is to encourage companies and enterprises to establish operations in rural or semi-urban
areas
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.
This
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 would create local employment opportunities and reduce the need for migration to major
cities
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.
In addition
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, authorities should ensure that healthcare, education and transport infrastructure are distributed more equally across the country so that people can enjoy a better quality of life outside urban centres. In conclusion, overpopulation is largely driven by economic opportunities and improved living standards in
cities
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.
However
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, with proper government policies and balanced regional development,
this
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 problem can be alleviated.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. The task asks about population growth, but your essay talks more about city growth.
task response
Add one or two clear causes of population growth, like better health care or lower death rates.
task response
Use a more specific example to support your ideas. This will make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because each paragraph has one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are used well, but you can vary them a little more.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas connect well, but the solution paragraph is not fully needed because the task asks for causes, not solutions.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your body paragraphs are well ordered and easy to read.
task response
Your ideas are clear and mostly relevant to the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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