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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people feel that it will be better for society and individuals if driverless cars are widely used. Others are not in favour of the same. Discuss both the point of views and give your opinion

#people #society #individuals #driverless #cars #favour #point
In the present age, there has been much discussion revolving around the issue of whether autonomous
cars
 cause more merit for society and individuals than a car with a driver. It is understandable that autonomous
cars
 give safety assurance, especially if you are drunk or sick.
However
, I believe that we are not ready yet to let those kinds of
cars
 in our mess
roads
 and other obstacles.
To begin
 with,
currently
Add a comma
currently,
show examples
roads
 in
this
 country are not organised well. To explain
this
, there are many large
roads
 that are turned
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 small
roads
 that have not been captured yet in
google maps
Correct your spelling
Google Maps
show examples
.
The driverless
Correct article usage
Driverless
show examples
cars
 are highly dependent on the data from the internet, so we may be stuck on the trip if the map does not give directions.
Next,
these
cars
 are just barely new to our society. They need many improvements in order to be appropriate
cars
. These reasons made me disagree with the usage of driverless
cars
. Human-controlled
cars
,
on the other hand
, are flexible in any kind of circumstances, especially in the countryside that has many alleys.
Moreover
, if we are in a place that does not catch signals, these
cars
 are still able to operate, unlike
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
autonomous
cars
. But, safety conditions
such
 as not driving
while
 drunk must be obeyed. Conclusively, autonomous
cars
 are not suitable in
this
 country because of street conditions, and the fact that these
cars
 are very vulnerable in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
less signal areas,
while
 regular
cars
 are easy to manage.
Submitted by erniwbs on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure, with ideas appearing disjointed and without clear transitions. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the ideas flow logically from one to the next with appropriate transition phrases.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more clearly defined to better frame the discussion and summation of the essay. A more explicit thesis statement and summarization of main points would enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Main points are provided but lack sufficient development and elaboration. More thorough explanations and a greater variety of support would add depth to the arguments presented.
task achievement
The response completes the task but with room for improvement. The prompt asks for a discussion of both viewpoints and the writer's opinion, which has been attempted but not fully balanced or well-developed. Strive for equal treatment of both perspectives and a clear, well-supported personal viewpoint.
task achievement
The essay presents some ideas but lacks clarity and comprehensiveness. A clearer exposition of arguments, with focused topic sentences and more detailed explanations, would help to convey ideas more effectively.
task achievement
The essay uses some relevant examples to support the arguments made, but these could be expanded on with more specific details to add to the persuasiveness of the essay. Examples should be illustrative of the points being made and be fully integrated into the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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