IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Prevention is more important than cure. researching and treating disease is very costly, so it is better to invest in preventative measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that preventive
healthcare
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 should be the main focus of the
healthcare
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 system
instead
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 of medical
research
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 and
treatment
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due to
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 the latter being too expensive.
While
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 I agree that preventive
measures
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 are necessary to stop
diseases
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 from spreading and lower
healthcare
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 expenditure, I
also
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 believe that allocating financial resources to
research
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 and
treatment
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 should continue despite their high costs. On the one hand, taking precautions will reduce the spending on
healthcare
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 by keeping
people
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’s wellness under control and preventing
diseases
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 before they occur.
For instance
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, vaccines, one of the most used
such
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measures
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, trigger the production of disease-fighting antibodies by the immune system and result in lower severe cases of illnesses and hospitalization,
thus
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 reducing the spending on
healthcare
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. Other preventive methods
also
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 effectively lower the chance of chronic
diseases
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such
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 as type-2 diabetes, which are usually caused by a sedentary lifestyle and obesity. Simply put, if
people
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 exercise regularly and keep their weight in check, they will have much fewer health issues and
consequently
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 lower the expenditure on
healthcare
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.
Therefore
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, I believe that prevention brings nothing but benefits to
people
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 and the
healthcare
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 system.
On the other hand
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, some effective preventive
measures
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 would not exist without proper
research
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.
Also
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,
treatment
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 sometimes addresses specific
diseases
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 or problems that prevention can’t eliminate.
For example
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, a highly effective vaccine
such
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 as that of Pfizer, which was developed for
Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
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, takes a lot of
research
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 and millions of dollars worth of production equipment to be developed and
finally
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 available for public use.
Furthermore
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, preventive
healthcare
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 cannot address hereditary
diseases
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 like type-1 diabetes.
Such
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 illnesses can only be treated with expensive medications.
Therefore
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, I firmly believe that
research
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 and
treatment
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 projects are essential to the advancement of medical science and should not be replaced by anything else. In conclusion, prevention is an effective way of keeping
people
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 healthy and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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costs down;
however
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,
research
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 and
treatment
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 are not only needed to develop effective preventive
measures
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 but
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also
Add a missing verb
are also
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 vital for some
people
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.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and your thesis statement. In this essay, the introduction sets the tone for a discussion, but the stance could be more explicitly stated.
supported main points
Work on presenting your main points with clearer topic sentences that directly relate back to the original question.
introduction conclusion present
Make sure your conclusion summarizes the main points of the essay and restates your position in a way that reflects the arguments made throughout the essay.
complete response
You should explore the task question in fuller detail and present a more balanced discussion. Each main point needs to be developed fully, considering the wider implications or contrasting viewpoints before reaching a conclusion.
clear comprehensive ideas
You've demonstrated clear comprehensive ideas which are relevant, though some examples could be developed further to strengthen the argument.
relevant specific examples
Use more relevant and specific examples to support and illustrate your main points. While some examples were provided, they could be more detailed and linked more directly to the original prompt.
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