IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that educated people are more valuable than people who have learned skills through experience. Do you think that educated people are the most valuable for society? What kinds of skills can people learn through experience that can benefit society?

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It is
an
Change the article
a
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 debatable issue whether educated
people
Use synonyms
 are more valuable or skilled
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 learned through
experience
Use synonyms
. I think
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
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both
people
Use synonyms
 are more valuable and they equally contribute to society. The multitask skill
people
Use synonyms
 learn through
experience
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
skills
Use synonyms
 learned through
experience
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people
Use synonyms
 are more valuable
as
Change preposition
than
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an
Correct article usage
apply
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educated
one's
Change noun form
ones
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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educated persons have only theoretical knowledge and they will apply all their theoretical education when they are working in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
a workplace
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,
in contrast
Linking Words
, skilled individuals
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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should learn from practical
experience
Use synonyms
as
Change preposition
at
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 work.
For instance
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, healthcare sector workers have to
do
Verb problem
have
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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practical
experience
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 after finishing their
graduate
Replace the word
graduation
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 and before starting as
a
Correct article usage
apply
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professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, these both folks
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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equally contribute to society.
The multitasking
Correct article usage
Multitasking
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skills
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 are required to
learned
Add a missing verb
be learned
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 through
experience
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because,
skilled
Correct article usage
the skilled
show examples
publics
Fix the agreement mistake
public
show examples
Add a missing verb
is force
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force
Replace the word
forced
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 to learn
while
Linking Words
 working, thereby, they have to
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
multitasking
Wrong verb form
multitask
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 as compared to the educational population.
For example
Linking Words
, the academic person can only focus on their education
while
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 studying but the skilled person should need to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
multitask
such
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 as learning and working, and
as a result
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, they will be the master in a particular field by
experience
Use synonyms
 and learning.
Hence
Linking Words
, multitasking
skills
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 are required that can
learn
Wrong verb form
be learned
show examples
 through
experience
Use synonyms
indeed
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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academic scholars and skilled individuals are contributing equally to society by their
theorotical
Correct your spelling
theoretical
 knowledge and working
experience
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, multitasking
skills
Use synonyms
 will need to
learn
Wrong verb form
be learned
show examples
 through
experience
Use synonyms
 and skilled
people
Use synonyms
 push to learn
while
Linking Words
 working
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
 an education one.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and logical structure that is essential for a high coherence and cohesion score. To improve, you should outline your essay before writing, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central point that connects logically to the thesis and the other paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and a conclusion are present, they are not effectively developed. You should begin by paraphrasing the question to introduce the topic, then present a thesis statement that outlines your personal position. Your conclusion should succinctly restate your main points and re-emphasize your thesis.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are not fully developed with clear, relevant examples. Support each point with specific evidence, explanations, or experiences to better persuade the reader and increase your score.
task achievement
You have attempted to respond completely to the topic, however, your response lacks clarity and the thorough development of ideas. Develop your ideas fully with clear explanations and relevant examples to ensure a complete response to the prompt.
task achievement
Work on clarifying and comprehensively expressing your ideas. Aim for simplicity and precision in language use, avoiding overly complex structures or unclear references which can make your essay difficult to follow.
task achievement
The essay requires more relevant and specific examples that relate closely to the prompt. Use concrete examples to support your points, which enhances the persuasiveness of your argument and relevance of your response.
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