These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

this

modern era of globalization, it is often argued that humans are more relatable to each other socially through the usage of technology devices

such

as phones and the internet. I strongly believe that even though there are certain demerits, these cannot overshadow the positive trend. On one hand, it is undeniable that cutting-edge technologies have offered us numerous opportunities to communicate with one another more effectively and conveniently. Mobile appliances have brought us chances to talk to our relatives and family members even when we are far from home.

Moreover

, surfing the internet enables us to make new friends online and discover more reliable relationships.

Additionally

, these modern applications aid us in getting on better with colleagues and acquaintances.

For instance

, Instagram and Facebook are the top social media amongst the younger generation. There have been various surveys done which reported people majorly chat and communicate on these social networks.

Furthermore

, many users of these apps gave positive feedback that they find social media a useful tool to draw people closer together and allow them to meet new people who share the same interests. On the other side of the spectrum, there are

also

exceptions where

this

network has a toxic impact on an individual. Many citizens chose

this

method to verbally attack a well-being online.

This

has caused many internet users to lose their lives because they were constantly living under a harmful threat. As an illustration, a Korean star, Sully, lost her life after many years of depression

due to

the continuous online attack on her private life. Having said that, there are certainly many drawbacks to

this

topic as well. In a nutshell, I am convinced that the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages.

Submitted by truongmaihanh on Thu Dec 21 2023

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introduction conclusion present

Ensure you have a clear introduction and conclusion that state your main argument and summarise your view respectively. The conclusion is somewhat lacking in this essay, as it is brief and does not fully restate your standpoint or summarise the main points discussed.

logical structure

Work on developing a more structured approach, with clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. Aim to have a balance between the discussion of advantages and disadvantages to fully address the question.

supported main points

Make sure each of your main points is developed fully with explanations and not just assertions. Including more detailed and varied examples will strengthen your argument and the relevancy of your points.

complete response

Provide a more complete response to the prompt by ensuring all aspects of the question are addressed equally. In this essay, the conclusion seems rushed and does not fully encapsulate the depth of the discussion.

clear comprehensive ideas

Your ideas are on the right track, but aim to express them more comprehensively. Delve deeper into how the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, supporting your opinion with a more thorough analysis.

relevant specific examples

While your examples are good, specificity is key. Include more detailed and specific examples that are directly related to the social advantages and disadvantages of mobile phones and the internet.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

288 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

number of children who drop the school is increasing in some countries.what are the reasons and solutions to overcome this problem.

In many countries schools have severe problems with students behaviour.What are the causes and possile solutions for this problem.

shopping has become a favorite pastime among young people. Do you think they must be encouraged to do other things rather than shopping.

The world has many towns and cities constructed in previous centuries that were more suitable and liveable for people in those times than they are now. What problems will this cause? What can be done to solve these problems?

Some businesses find that their new employees lack in basic interpersonal skills such as lack of ability to work With colleagues as a team. What are the causes and suggest possible solutions

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+