IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Students should pay the full cost for their own study,because university education benefits individuals rather than society.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#students #cost #study #university #education #individuals #society
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In the ever-progressive society, whether students should spend a fortune on accessing their own
education
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due to
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 the fact that
education
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 in university has many positive impacts on individuals
instead
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 of the public is a highly debatable question. The writer has a propensity to totally disagree with
this
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 statement. It must be understood that not all people can pay for the full fees of the university. It should be acknowledged that a great number of students tend to go straight for work after high school
education
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due to
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 exorbitant costs.
As a consequence
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,
this
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 phenomenon not only affects to process of generating talent in some nations but
also
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 makes job opportunities more complicated for the poor to compete in. Taking Korean universities , whose fees are exorbitant that most individuals can not afford.
Therefore
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, it has led to a significant decline in the percentage of undergraduates in recent years, as an interesting instance. Another point worth considering is that governments should have some policies supporting
education
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 costs in order to have more people dedicated to society. It should be noted that the more investments in an educational environment , the more talented people are dedicated to contributing to the country .
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that they can effortlessly undergo the harsh part of life.
As a result
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 , there may be a dramatic increase in figure of students going to universities .
For example
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 , Canada's authority supports undergraduates by providing lots of scholarships .
Hence
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 , it may help both the public and individuals developing Taking everything into account , the author contends to have adverse sides of
this
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 statement
due to
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 high costs and lack of residents contributing to the country.
That is
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 the reason why student do not have to spend a huge amount of money on their studying

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Task Achievement
Great job in presenting a clear stance throughout your essay and maintaining it with logical arguments. To further enhance your response, try incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and more varied sentence structures. This will add sophistication and depth to your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've structured your essay effectively with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is developed with specific examples or further explanation to maintain and enhance coherence. Consider more diverse linking phrases to smoothly transition between ideas.
Task Achievement
Clear presentation of your viewpoint and adequate development of your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay provides a logical structure, facilitating an easy follow through for readers.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • beneficiary
  • accountability
  • economic mobility
  • social inequalities
  • subsidized education
  • vocational training
  • deliberate choice
  • earning potential
  • public funding
  • societal benefits
  • innovation
  • self-financing
  • social mobility
  • economic equality
  • grants
  • scholarships
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