Fewer and fewer people walk on a daily basis. What are the reasons and how to encourage them to spend their time walking?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is said that the number of people walking daily has been decreasing gradually.
While
there are numerous underlying reasons, its roots might lie in the popularity of modern means of transportation and sports.
However
,
this
issue can be tackled by organizing appealing activities. To start with, there are numerous reasons for the phenomenon. The first and foremost one is the rise of motor vehicles. Cars and motorbikes can be taken as prime examples. They have now been improved in terms of appearance, speed, and price;
hence
, individuals are more likely to drive to work
instead
of travelling on foot.
Second,
because their living standard is improved, they are able to afford numerous sports
such
as gym and yoga which are presumably far more interesting and more efficient to improve their health than taking a stroll. Ultimately, there is apparently little motivation whatsoever for anyone to prioritize walking. Notwithstanding
this
, various interesting methods can be implemented to address the aforementioned problem. Specifically, holding a competition is bound to motivate society members to spend more time going on foot;
for instance
, many companies reward their employees who have the biggest monthly number of footsteps.
In addition
, the local government should provide new facilities which likely encourage the habit of jogging.
For example
, they can decorate or build pedestrians where many amusing activities
such
as street dance or singing take place.
Consequently
, more and more citizens may go for a walk for either healthy or entertaining purposes. In conclusion, the decreased frequency of walking is mainly
due to
the popularity of new travelling vehicles and interesting sporty activities.
Nevertheless
, gamification and infrastructure refreshment will efficiently encourage individuals to go for a walk.
Submitted by chungoc2001 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. There is some evidence of organizational pattern, but occasionally, the ideas could be more explicitly connected.
coherence cohesion
While you have presented a clear introduction and conclusion, consider rephrasing to avoid redundancy and enhance reader engagement.
coherence cohesion
Aim to support each main point with detailed and specific examples. General statements are present but could be enhanced with more particular details to better illustrate your arguments.
task achievement
It is commendable that the response addresses all parts of the task, yet strive to develop a deeper analysis of the reasons and solutions provided.
task achievement
The ideas are clear but at times lack comprehensive development. Expand on the ideas by elaborating more clearly on how they relate to the question.
task achievement
Specific examples are crucial in strengthening an argument; include more focused instances that directly relate to the reasons and solutions discussed.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: