IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Fewer and fewer people walk on a daily basis. What are the reasons and how to encourage them to spend their time walking?

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It is said that the number of people walking daily has been decreasing gradually. From my viewpoint, its roots might lie in the appearance of both modern means of transportation and sports.
However
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,
this
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 issue can be tackled by organizing appealing activities.
First,
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one of the foremost reasons for the trend is the rise of motor vehicles. Cars and motorbikes can be taken as prime examples. They have now been improved in terms of appearance, speed, and price;
hence
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, individuals are more likely to drive to work
instead
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 of travelling on foot.
Besides
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, because their living standard is improved, they are able to afford numerous sports
such
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 as gym and yoga which are presumably far more interesting and more efficient to improve their health than taking a stroll. Ultimately, there is apparently no motivation whatsoever for anyone to prioritize walking. Notwithstanding
this
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, various interesting methods can be implemented to address the aforementioned problem. Specifically, holding a competition is bound to motivate society members to spend more time going on foot;
for instance
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, many companies reward their employees who have the biggest monthly number of footsteps.
In addition
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, the local government should provide new facilities which likely encourage the habit of jogging.
For example
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, they can decorate or build pedestrians where many amusing activities
such
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 as street dance or singing take place.
Consequently
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, more and more citizens may go for a walk for either healthy or entertaining purposes. In conclusion, a decline in the quantity of walking people is mainly
due to
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 the popularity of new travelling vehicles and interesting sporty activities. I am of the opinion that gamification and infrastructure refreshment will efficiently
encourages
Change the verb form
encourage
show examples
 individuals to go for a walk

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coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a clear and logical structure, making your arguments easy to follow. However, you could improve by further elaborating and supporting your points with more detailed examples.
task achievement
You have addressed the task reasonably well, with clear ideas and responses to the prompt. To enhance your response, ensure that each point you make is fully developed with clear, relevant examples that support your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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