IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many cities, many people are living in large apartment blocks. Does this accommodation have more advantages or disadvantages.

#cities #people #apartment #blocks #accommodation
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In many towns, some people are living in huge apartments. I believe
this
Linking Words
 accommodation has more drawbacks despite the cheapness
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because humans need a spacious living area and
this
Linking Words
 might be very disturbing in different ways.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, living in an
apartment
Use synonyms
 has a huge benefit. In most of the cities, it is cheaper to live in a small
apartment
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 can be very beneficial for the low-budget families who deal with economic problems.
For instance
Linking Words
, in New York City, there are cheap-to-rent large
apartment
Use synonyms
 blocks provided by the government for blue-collar workers who are experiencing economic difficulties.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, it might be really advantageous for low-profit families.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, living in an
apartment
Use synonyms
 has some disadvantages which cannot be ignored.
In other words
Linking Words
, living with too many people under only one roof provides some drawbacks. First of all, it might be too loud because there is no space between walls which might be very disturbing. If there is a baby crying somewhere in the building, it will probably be heard by all the residents in the building.
Secondly
Linking Words
, most of the apartments in cities might be very unspacious.
This
Linking Words
 can affect residents' moods and they may feel tense.
For example
Linking Words
, in the city of Melbourne in 2017, a man hanged himself in his
apartment
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the cramped living conditions. Briefly, I think that living in an
apartment
Use synonyms
 might have serious drawbacks and lead to serious situations.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 living in large
apartment
Use synonyms
 blocks is more economical, I am of the opinion that it has some serious disadvantages
such
Linking Words
 as unspacious and annoying situations.
Submitted by edzcls on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Develop your main points more fully with clearer, more developed examples. Each paragraph should contain a clear main idea and the supporting sentences should directly relate to it.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to paragraphing. Use clear and logical paragraphs to structure your essay. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea with relevant supporting details.
task achievement
Make sure to answer all parts of the question. Expand on how living in apartments can be beneficial beyond economic factors and illustrate the disadvantages more effectively.
task achievement
Provide relevant examples to support your points. The examples should be detailed and specific to enhance your arguments.
task achievement
It's important to achieve a balance in your essay by fully exploring both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic to provide a complete response.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: