IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many cities, many people are living in large apartment blocks. Does this accommodation have more advantages or disadvantages.

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In many towns, some people are living in huge apartments. I believe
this
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 accommodation has more drawbacks despite the cheapness
,
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apply
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 because humans need a spacious living area and
this
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 might be very disturbing in different ways.
To begin
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 with, living in an
apartment
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 has a huge benefit. In most of the cities, it is cheaper to live in a small
apartment
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.
This
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 can be very beneficial for the low-budget families who deal with economic problems.
For instance
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, in New York City, there are cheap-to-rent large
apartment
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 blocks provided by the government for blue-collar workers who are experiencing economic difficulties.
For
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this
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 reason, it might be really advantageous for low-profit families.
On the other hand
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, living in an
apartment
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 has some disadvantages which cannot be ignored.
In other words
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, living with too many people under only one roof provides some drawbacks. First of all, it might be too loud because there is no space between walls which might be very disturbing. If there is a baby crying somewhere in the building, it will probably be heard by all the residents in the building.
Secondly
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, most of the apartments in cities might be very unspacious.
This
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 can affect residents' moods and they may feel tense.
For example
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, in the city of Melbourne in 2017, a man hanged himself in his
apartment
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due to
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 the cramped living conditions. Briefly, I think that living in an
apartment
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 might have serious drawbacks and lead to serious situations.
To conclude
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,
while
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 living in large
apartment
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 blocks is more economical, I am of the opinion that it has some serious disadvantages
such
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 as unspacious and annoying situations.

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coherence cohesion
Develop your main points more fully with clearer, more developed examples. Each paragraph should contain a clear main idea and the supporting sentences should directly relate to it.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to paragraphing. Use clear and logical paragraphs to structure your essay. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea with relevant supporting details.
task achievement
Make sure to answer all parts of the question. Expand on how living in apartments can be beneficial beyond economic factors and illustrate the disadvantages more effectively.
task achievement
Provide relevant examples to support your points. The examples should be detailed and specific to enhance your arguments.
task achievement
It's important to achieve a balance in your essay by fully exploring both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic to provide a complete response.
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