IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The first man to walk on the moon claimed it was a step forward for mankind. However, it has made little difference in most people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#first #man #moon #step #mankind #difference #people’s #lives
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There are many who feel that research into
space
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 exploration has not made sufficient impact
in
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on
show examples
 the average individual’s life to justify its expense. In my opinion, there are valid reasons to ask
this
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 question but
overall
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 the cultural and scientific effect is all-encompassing. Those who decry the wasted resources directed towards
space
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 programs point out the lack of readily apparent benefits. Sending a man to the moon and maintaining expensive telescopes and
space
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 stations do nothing for the average person struggling to pay their bills and vulnerable to sudden economic downturns. Most may casually watch the moon landing or the occasional NASA video on YouTube but
that is
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 hardly justification for billions of dollars over decades that could have made a real difference if diverted towards medicine, education, infrastructure, and a vibrant employment sector.
Nonetheless
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, the effects pertain deeply to culture and science.
Firstly
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, putting a man on the moon was a moment that transcends mundane utilitarian concerns. It not only was an exercise in the power and majesty of the human race but
also
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 inspired countless individuals across a wide variety of industries to push for great achievements and have pride in mankind.
Secondly
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, the advances made
while
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 researching
space
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 have led to concrete, beneficial discoveries.
For example
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, there are now satellites in
space
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 making possible phone calls and internet access nearly everywhere on Earth. Countless other large and small innovations from microchips to increased fuel efficiency are
also
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 to some degree indebted to the national funding of
space
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 exploration. In conclusion, far from being a waste of valuable resources,
space
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 exploration has been the driving force behind the continued progress of humanity. It should
therefore
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 continue to receive support.
Submitted by abeera2012 on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the introduction precisely addresses the task prompt. Aim for a clearer thesis statement that lays out the essay's direction.
logical structure
Enhance the logical structure by using a wider range of cohesive devices and logical connectors. Transition smoothly between points to improve the essay's flow.
supported main points
Support main points with more detailed and varied examples. Expanding on the arguments with concrete instances will strengthen the essay's persuasiveness.
complete response
Ensure that the essay fully addresses all aspects of the task. While this essay does cover the task's requirements, further depth in discussion and argumentation would benefit the response.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on expressing ideas more comprehensively by expanding on the arguments made. This could involve a deeper exploration of the reasons why space exploration is culturally and scientifically significant.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples that directly relate to the prompt. While some examples are provided, they could be directly linked back to the impact on individuals' lives for enhanced relevance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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