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Band 6.5

Some people think that governments should invest mainly in making public transportation faster while other think there are more important priorities (cost, the environment). Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #governments #transportation #priorities #cost #environment
Few individuals believe that authority should be more focused on building quicker public transport,
On the other hand
, others think that there are many essential domains to work.
This
 essay will discuss both the views
as well as
 my opinion in upcoming paragraphs. To commence with the former notion, Investing tremendous money into public transit is beneficial for the people
as well as
 for authority. As the government gets huge economic
growth
 citizens save their valuable time. To explain it, If the administration adds funds to the development of fast public transport, they will earn more money and facilitate their citizens in a better way.
For example
, Japan invested 100 Million Dollars to Construct a city metro in 2010, and they collected more than 1 Billion dollars in revenue.
Hence
, building public transport faster is important for economic
growth
. Shifting towards the latter notion, Residents of the country need more things apart from transportation,
such
 as education, low living costs and a good environment. To explain it, better schooling is part of the country's and individuals'
growth
. People need a good education in order to live a successful life, it will give them a lesson about life.
Additionally
, populace wants an appropriate environment for their children
as well as
 for themselves, they need fresh air , clean water, education , low living cost etc. To cite an example, after the world war, Germany applied a sustainable development model for their citizens, as they gave equal importance to each and every part of their country.
As a result
, they achieved 7% GDP (Gross Domestic Product)
growth
 in the
last
 decade.
To conclude
,
although
 investing highly in one sector of any nation is vital yet, other parts of industries are
also
 equally important. I believe that not only is public transit is area of development but
also
 the other demographics need attention.
Submitted by birenp046 on

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Task Response
Task Response: Your essay addresses the topic, but with limited development in presenting a fully-argued response. Ensure that you provide a balanced argument for both views before presenting your conclusion, which should be clearly stated and supported with specific examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has an identifiable structure. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother, and paragraphing could be improved for clarity. Work on linking your paragraphs and sentences more naturally and using a wider range of cohesive devices.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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