91.In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the ocuntry side is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Nowadays, many
people
throughout the world who live in the countryside tend to immigrate to the cities
and the rural areas have become empty of individuals. I believe it is a negative change as it leads unemployment
of Change preposition
to unemployment
people
and lack
of safety in the countryside.
Correct article usage
a lack
This
phenomenon has several drawbacks. To begin
with, governments have facilitated manifold services and amenities in the countryside of cities
and there was a trend which elders and youngsters move to there for better
life. As Add an article
a better
this
moving
is happening, these facilities will remain useless. In Replace the word
move
fact
the budget had been for new schools, hospitals, shops Add a comma
fact,
and
etc will Correct word choice
apply
waste
to a great extent. Add a missing verb
be waste
In addition
, several jobs and factories had
been established in Wrong verb form
that have
the
recent years will be closed and many Correct article usage
apply
employments
will Correct your spelling
employees
fire
. Wrong verb form
be fired
Therefor
, I believe it is the fact that Correct your spelling
Therefore
people
and job
will be influenced negatively.
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
Additionally
, following
this
movement, the villages and countrysides
will change to remote regions and empty of citizens. Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
Hence
, the most important issue will be the safety and security of the remaining people
. As a remarkable section of these regions are elders, I assume that the
crimes Correct article usage
apply
such
as robbery will increase significantly. Some criminal experts have proven that crimes are much less in the cities
with a high population and many people
can defend themselves with the help of their neighbors. To conclude
, this
veering to the cities
can lead to safety reduction for living in the the
rural accommodations.
In conclusion, Remove the redundancy
apply
although
people
are veering to move to the city center
Change the spelling
centre
due to
several reasons, this
idea causes two main problems including the non-use of amenities and the increasing guilt in the lack of people
in the suburbs.Submitted by farzin_seyednejad on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a proper logical structure. Consider organizing your essay with clear paragraphs each focusing on a separate main point. Use transition words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present, but they are not clearly articulated. Make sure your introduction outlines the key points you will discuss and your conclusion summarises the main ideas effectively.
coherence cohesion
Main points are supported, but they need to be developed further. Provide more in-depth explanations and expand on your ideas. Each paragraph should have one main idea, supported by detailed explanations or examples.
task achievement
The response tends to answer the topic, but it requires a more thorough exploration. Provide a balanced argument with equal discussion on both the positive and negative aspects if the prompt requires it.
task achievement
Ideas need to be expressed more comprehensively. Focus on clarity of expression and ensure that each point is thoroughly explained before moving on to the next one.
task achievement
The essay would benefit from relevant and specific examples to support the arguments. Make sure the examples directly relate to the points being made and provide evidence to support your claims.
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