IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

91.In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the ocuntry side is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 throughout the world who live in the countryside tend to immigrate to the
cities
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 and the rural areas have become empty of individuals. I believe it is a negative change as it leads
unemployment
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to unemployment
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 of
people
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 and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of safety in the countryside.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon has several drawbacks.
To begin
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 with, governments have facilitated manifold services and amenities in the countryside of
cities
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 and there was a trend which elders and youngsters move to there for
better
Add an article
a better
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 life. As
this
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moving
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move
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 is happening, these facilities will remain useless. In
fact
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fact,
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 the budget had been for new schools, hospitals, shops
and
Correct word choice
apply
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etc will
waste
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be waste
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 to a great extent.
In addition
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, several jobs and factories
had
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that have
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 been established in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent years will be closed and many
employments
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employees
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 will
fire
Wrong verb form
be fired
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.
Therefor
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Therefore
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, I believe it is the fact that
people
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 and
job
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jobs
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 will be influenced negatively.
Additionally
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,
following
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this
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 movement, the villages and
countrysides
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countryside
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 will change to remote regions and empty of citizens.
Hence
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, the most important issue will be the safety and security of the remaining
people
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. As a remarkable section of these regions are elders, I assume that
the
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apply
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crimes
such
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 as robbery will increase significantly. Some criminal experts have proven that crimes are much less in the
cities
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 with a high population and many
people
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 can defend themselves with the help of their neighbors.
To conclude
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,
this
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 veering to the
cities
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 can lead to safety reduction for living in the
the
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apply
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rural accommodations. In conclusion,
although
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people
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 are veering to move to the city
center
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centre
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due to
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 several reasons,
this
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 idea causes two main problems including the non-use of amenities and the increasing guilt in the lack of
people
Use synonyms
 in the suburbs.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a proper logical structure. Consider organizing your essay with clear paragraphs each focusing on a separate main point. Use transition words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present, but they are not clearly articulated. Make sure your introduction outlines the key points you will discuss and your conclusion summarises the main ideas effectively.
coherence cohesion
Main points are supported, but they need to be developed further. Provide more in-depth explanations and expand on your ideas. Each paragraph should have one main idea, supported by detailed explanations or examples.
task achievement
The response tends to answer the topic, but it requires a more thorough exploration. Provide a balanced argument with equal discussion on both the positive and negative aspects if the prompt requires it.
task achievement
Ideas need to be expressed more comprehensively. Focus on clarity of expression and ensure that each point is thoroughly explained before moving on to the next one.
task achievement
The essay would benefit from relevant and specific examples to support the arguments. Make sure the examples directly relate to the points being made and provide evidence to support your claims.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-urban migration
  • employment opportunities
  • economic disparity
  • metropolitan allure
  • infrastructure development
  • social amenities
  • cultural melting pot
  • agricultural productivity
  • urban sprawl
  • overpopulation
  • gentrification
  • community fabric
  • traditions
  • sustainable development
  • remote working
  • ecological footprint
  • government intervention
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