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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that parents should teach their students to be good citizens, however believe that school should do this. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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There is no denying the fact that teaching younger to be good citizens is a huge responsibility.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that families are the ones who can impact on pupils' lives. There is
also
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 an argument that opposes that schools are the most responsible side in
this
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. On one hand,
children
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 learn how to behave at a young age.
In other words
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, the education process usually starts at home and a kid's personality begins before he or she starts to go to school. They can earn habits and life basics early.
In addition
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,
children
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 spend most of their time at home and they can be influenced by their parents or eldest siblings. So, the kids will do whatever the parents or the family do.
On the other hand
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, teachers are specialists who can treat
children
Use synonyms
's problems in a scientific way.
Moreover
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, school can help them to continue what they learned from home.
Also
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, we can say that schools encourage the student to be more productive and meaningful in the community, by providing some projects to let them visit and volunteer for any social reason.
For example
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, some partners seek advice from teachers about ways to deal with some of their kid's serious problems in
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 life. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance, I tend to believe that schools and parents play a crucial role in
children
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’s lives. So, they need to collaborate with each other to ensure that
children
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 become good future citizens

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coherence cohesion
The essay has a recognizable structure, with an introduction and conclusion present. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and linking words could be used more effectively to enhance coherence. Paragraphs should flow logically with clear connections between them.
task achievement
The response addresses the task only partially, lacking a fully developed argument. The opinion provided is somewhat unclear, and the essay would benefit from a more thorough exploration of each view, as well as specific examples to support the arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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