Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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These days, purchasing the same products wherever in the world has caused nations to become similar. In my opinion,
this
phenomenon can be both positive and negative but its negative side outweighs the other. In
this
essay, I will discuss both the upside and downside of
this
situation. On the one hand, the similarity of
countries
brings about some adverse influences. One of the main effects is
to
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fading differences among nations which is the cause of being exceptional from others. Many people from all over the world go to other
countries
because they have absorbed their diversity and would like to see them close up.
Thus
, if
countries
don't vary with each other, The number of tourists will reduce. So, it may lead some
countries
to economic recession. Another impact is that culture and tradition would be forgotten
due to
people tend to perform the same as each other. By way of example, they follow the same fashion trends, events, and festivals
such
as Christmas and Halloween. I think
this
is more likely to happen in developing
countries
where folks would like to resemble Western regions.
Consequently
, numerous traditions would be consigned to history books rather than be preserved.
On the other hand
,
this
circumstance has two major benefits.
To begin
with, as myriad
countries
are becoming resemblance together, immigrants in these
such
regions not only rarely feel homesick but
also
, they may think that nation is their old country.
In addition
,
this
similarity increases accessibility to more appliances, brands, cars, materials, and so on.
Therefore
, the rate of progress in
countries
would be accelerated which is an outstanding opportunity for developing
countries
.
However
, in my point of view, there are many potential ways which can be more helpful in order to improve
countries
. In conclusion, I don't approve of the resembling between nations as I believe that its disadvantages outweigh its advantages. Vanishing a particular custom and economic inflation
due to
this
resemblance cannot be compensated.
Submitted by kmibehnaz98 on

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task achievement
It is crucial to develop ideas fully and provide specific examples to support your statements. In your essay, there were general statements made without sufficient evidence or examples to underpin those claims.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to vary your sentence structures to enhance the readability of the essay and to avoid repetitiveness. Also, watch out for grammatical errors and word choice that may impede understanding.
coherence cohesion
You should use a range of linking words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs effectively. This includes the use of discourse markers for contrast, addition, cause and effect, and others.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the accurate use of vocabulary. Misused words can change the meaning of a sentence or make it less clear. Always aim for precision in language use.
coherence cohesion
Attempt to write a more developed introduction and conclusion. The introduction should clearly state the topic and your overall point of view, while the conclusion should summarise the main points discussed and restate your opinion.
task achievement
Work on providing a more balanced approach in the 'both views' type essays. It's important to explore both sides of the argument equally before giving your own perspective.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • diversity
  • homogenization
  • cultural assimilation
  • global connection
  • local businesses
  • economic impact
  • consumerism
  • standardization
  • westernization
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