In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience
It is sometimes induced that children are able to obtain everything they want if they attempt hard in some cultures.
Although
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this
belief can come with several advantages, it has Linking Words
also
negative points that affect children's futures.
Hard work is known as the most significant key to success to achieve any stuff among many nations. In terms of disadvantages, parents may put high pressure on offspring to push forward specific goals. Regarding Linking Words
this
stress, they may encounter numerous mental issues like depression and tension. Linking Words
Moreover
, elders might inject fake hope into the young's minds when their goals are not practically achievable. Linking Words
For example
, many parents force their girls to become engineers in Iran and encourage them to try as much as possible. Linking Words
While
most of the graduated girls with an engineering degree are not employed.
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On the other hand
, underestimating the benefits of the aforementioned strategy to snatch every purpose is not logical. First of all, it may increase a warrior spirit to take risks to go toward the ultimate goal. Linking Words
In addition
to that, it may reduce disappointment status. The more they attempt, the less they become hopeless. In Linking Words
this
regard, trying plays a role as a self-motivated motor in which the whole goals are likely to be obtained. Linking Words
As a result
, people become independent and they actually believe that the only entity that aids them to succeed is themselves.
In conclusion, several traditions are of the opinion that young people can achieve every purpose just by striving. Linking Words
While
it become advantageous in some aspects namely fighting power, it has Linking Words
also
negative effects on an individual's psychological health.Linking Words
Submitted by a.danialbahrami on
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task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of telling children they can achieve anything if they work hard. However, the examples could be more relevant and varied. Consider using more diverse examples that show different perspectives and outcomes, especially positive ones.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph develops a single clear idea. Some ideas in the essay are not fully developed and could benefit from further explanation or evidence to be more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and variety. While the essay communicates its message, enhancing sentence variety will make your argument more persuasive and flow better.
structure
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a nice frame to your essay that focuses on the idea presented in the question.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by considering both the positive and negative aspects, which is the main expectation of the task.
Your opinion
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