Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Children's development benefits more through outdoor
activities
rather than playing computer games
. In my opinion, I agree that outdoor activities
are more beneficial for the youth. In this
following essay, I will explain my justification in detail.
First and foremost, outdoor activities
promote physical health and fitness. Activities
like sports, swimming or hiking are strongly contributing to the health of children and can help to develop stronger muscles and bones. Futhermore
, engaging in physical body movements reduces the risk of obesity and establishes a healthy lifestyle. Correct your spelling
Furthermore
In addition
, most of the outdoor activities
are team or group activities
and will establish social connections. This
will teach the kids to interact with each other and for sure, will improve troubleshooting of social differences. As
example, playing in a soccer team will give physical activity and Change preposition
For
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
building
relationships and Wrong verb form
build
functioning
Wrong verb form
function
effective
in the wider world.
Change the adjective
effectively
On the other hand
, playing computer games
poses several risks in
children's development, both mental and physical. Change preposition
to
Firstly
, many of those games
are very violant
and Correct your spelling
violent
engourages
Correct your spelling
encourages
encourage
the
youngster to adopt Correct article usage
apply
this
violance
into their lifestyle. Correct your spelling
violence
Secondly
, there is literaly
no physical movement involved, which can lead to health issues Correct your spelling
literally
in
Change preposition
at
the
early age. Correct article usage
an
This
kind of gaming is often very time consuming
and Add a hyphen
time-consuming
bring
time constraints, which leads to Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
a
irregular time management and Correct article usage
apply
to
sleep deprivation.
In conclusion, outdoor Fix the infinitive
apply
activities
improve the childrens
lifestyle and social skills, Change to a genitive case
children's
as well as
supports
their physical well-being. Correct subject-verb agreement
support
Although
video games
can have their place as a form of entertainment, but should not replace other forms of important activities
.Submitted by woigl on
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task achievement
Ensure that your essay remains consistently on-topic throughout your response, addressing the specific question posed. Consider adding more concrete examples to illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow and structure but would benefit from more varied sentence structures and cohesive devices. Make sure each paragraph smoothly transitions into the next to maintain the essay's momentum.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.