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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #part #sports #teams #football #tennis
Some people believe that participating in
team
sports
,
such
 as football, offers more advantages,
while
 others argue that engaging in individual
sports
, like tennis or swimming, is of paramount importance. Despite the notion that participating in individual
sports
 enhances individual
skills
 and
self-esteem
, I firmly believe that working as a
team
 in a specific sport is more advantageous in promoting
teamwork
 and
communication
skills
. On one hand, it is often argued that engaging in individual
sports
 elevates individual
skills
 and
self-esteem
.
For instance
, a badminton player participating in a competition must be well-prepared to win the match. He needs to discipline himself, work hard with consistent practice, and not give up on every mistake.
This
 enhances individual
skills
 and
self-esteem
, leading to success.
However
, I believe that
this
 primarily just builds individual capability.
On the other hand
, some argue that working as a
team
 in a particular sport brings advantages not only in individual capability but
also
 in
team
 capacity, especially in fostering
teamwork
 and
communication
skills
. Taking football as a good example, achieving
team
 goals requires every
team
 member to collaborate, communicate effectively, and understand their responsibilities. Players learn to trust each other, leading to successful
team
 performance.
Consequently
, participants in
team
sports
 gain
communication
skills
,
teamwork
,
self-esteem
, and discipline. For these reasons, I contend that taking part in
sports
 played in teams is more beneficial than engaging in individual
sports
. In conclusion, despite arguments that engaging in individual
sports
 promotes individual
skills
 and
self-esteem
, I believe that working as a
team
 in a particular sport is invaluable for building
teamwork
 and
communication
skills
. Acknowledging the benefits of both perspectives is important, but the holistic development fostered by
team
sports
 aligns more closely with my viewpoint.
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

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coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, your essay displayed a commendable logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, while the main points are generally well-supported, sometimes they could benefit from more detailed examples to more effectively illustrate the arguments.
task achievement
Regarding task achievement, you responded to the prompt thoroughly by discussing both views and providing your own opinion. The ideas were clear and mostly comprehensive, but further task achievement can be obtained by adding more specific and relevant examples to strengthen the points and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issues.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • team spirit
  • sense of belonging
  • community
  • leadership
  • trust
  • collective responsibility
  • dependency
  • self-reliance
  • self-discipline
  • goal setting
  • tailored development
  • flexibility
  • social support
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