Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Some people believe that participating in
team
sports
, such
as football, offers more advantages, while
others argue that engaging in individual sports
, like tennis or swimming, is of paramount importance. Despite the notion that participating in individual sports
enhances individual skills
and self-esteem
, I firmly believe that working as a team
in a specific sport is more advantageous in promoting teamwork
and communication
skills
.
On one hand, it is often argued that engaging in individual sports
elevates individual skills
and self-esteem
. For instance
, a badminton player participating in a competition must be well-prepared to win the match. He needs to discipline himself, work hard with consistent practice, and not give up on every mistake. This
enhances individual skills
and self-esteem
, leading to success. However
, I believe that this
primarily just builds individual capability.
On the other hand
, some argue that working as a team
in a particular sport brings advantages not only in individual capability but also
in team
capacity, especially in fostering teamwork
and communication
skills
. Taking football as a good example, achieving team
goals requires every team
member to collaborate, communicate effectively, and understand their responsibilities. Players learn to trust each other, leading to successful team
performance. Consequently
, participants in team
sports
gain communication
skills
, teamwork
, self-esteem
, and discipline. For these reasons, I contend that taking part in sports
played in teams is more beneficial than engaging in individual sports
.
In conclusion, despite arguments that engaging in individual sports
promotes individual skills
and self-esteem
, I believe that working as a team
in a particular sport is invaluable for building teamwork
and communication
skills
. Acknowledging the benefits of both perspectives is important, but the holistic development fostered by team
sports
aligns more closely with my viewpoint.Submitted by musa.nuwa on
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coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, your essay displayed a commendable logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, while the main points are generally well-supported, sometimes they could benefit from more detailed examples to more effectively illustrate the arguments.
task achievement
Regarding task achievement, you responded to the prompt thoroughly by discussing both views and providing your own opinion. The ideas were clear and mostly comprehensive, but further task achievement can be obtained by adding more specific and relevant examples to strengthen the points and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issues.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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