In many countries, governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

Today, in many parts of the
world
, the authorities of countries allocate their
imprest
Correct your spelling
interest
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
technology
in order to upgrade the well-being of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
community.
This
might be
due to
the rising demand for technological devices people tend to depend on their
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
chores. In my opinion, I think it is enormously beneficial to the people in the country and to the
world
as a whole. In
this
essay, I will discuss and arrive at a reasonable conclusion with examples from my own experience.
Firstly
, in recent years, the development of
technology
has started to play a crucial role in the economy of a region.
For instance
, Japan; the country with the highest technological advancement recently created a human-serving robot. The coding of that was to help and support housewives in almost every work in houses
such
as cleaning, vacuuming and cooking.
This
robot made a huge positive image on society regarding the ongoing leaderships who supported to production of
this
remarkable thing at that time.
Additionally
, the export industry in Japan soared in just a few seconds resulting in
arecord-breaking
Correct your spelling
a record-breaking
record-breaking
income for the country.
Secondly
, I would like to depict public transportation and how the new technological methods have eased transportation for the public. In India, the cropping-up population used to travel in jam-packed
trains
which took days to travel to the desired destination. Today, high-tech electric
trains
are their travel angels because new
technology
was able to develop the
trains
with high-speed engines so that there were more rounds of
trains
Fix the agreement mistake
train
show examples
shifts occupied and the community had more chances to choose when to book the
trains
.
While
the overlook is positive, I absolutely think the consideration in allocating on
technology
is one of the bravest steps taken by all the parliamentarians in the
world
. After all, the main aim of developing the lives of each and every nation around the
world
will be highly saturated by the enhancement of technological devices and making them familiar to the public.
To sum up
, in almost all parts of the
world
, developing
technology
plays a major factor
interacting
Change preposition
in interacting
show examples
with individuals. As it is a vital factor of a nation, it should be provided with the financial support it requires from time to time.
This
will surely lead to the betterment of the commodities in
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the
world
.
Submitted by amadisilva2 on

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Ensure a more distinct separation of ideas between paragraphs with clearer topic sentences that directly relate back to the question for an even stronger structure.
Task Achievement
While specific examples are well utilized, incorporating a wider variety of real-world evidence could further strengthen your arguments.
Task Response
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons governments invest in technology and providing a clear stance on the appropriateness of this allocation.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is well structured with clear progression of ideas, making it easy to follow and understand your arguments.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your arguments, enhancing the persuasiveness of your essay.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital transformation
  • service delivery
  • transparency
  • accountability
  • tech-savvy
  • contemporary lifestyle
  • public satisfaction
  • data management
  • smart city technologies
  • predictive policing
  • data privacy
  • digital divide
  • inclusivity
  • governance
  • infrastructure
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