Some people believe that women should be treated as equal to men when applying for a job with the police or military. Others think women are less suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Being denied participation in the armed
forces
is to
women
what being denied the right to pick nursing is to men. At issue is whether
women
should be allowed to sign up for the police or the military duties, the complex nature of which necessitates more accurate scrutiny of the case. On the one hand, it is unrealistically believed that the armed
forces
are not suitable places for
women
.
This
questionable assumption claims that females are biologically different from men;
therefore
, they are not compatible with the needs of combat duties. One reason given for
this
is their life and health would be at risk. By way of illustration, carrying heavy weights, they may suffer permanent physical damage. Set against
this
is the view that the feeling of being excluded can lead to a sense of frustration for the female gender. It is sometimes countered by the notion that the experience of coming face to face with the enemy may be much more hideous, which is the
worst case
Add a hyphen
worst-case
show examples
scenario;
women
can receive special training for more decent roles in the police and army. Clearly, the reality still remains that the female presence on duty and in uniform is too important to be brushed aside like that. Another way of looking at female employment in the armed
forces
is that they should be allowed to join the police and / or military
forces
like men. The salient point to note here is that judgement needs to be made based on their capability, rather than gender. Just because
women
would be more likely to suffer from the physical and psychological impacts does not mean that they cannot be efficient in other branches of the armed
forces
such
as the logistic and engineering support teams of the unit they are in. The contrasting view is that in
this
way the effectiveness of a unit could be compromised;
however
, there are many areas in the armed
forces
where
women
can fulfil their duties
as well as
, if not better than, their male counterparts. Evidently, it is true to say that valour knows no gender, but when making career choices in the army,
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
need to remember that discretion is the better part of valour. Aggressive and inappropriate as life in the armed
forces
for
women
might be, soldiering indeed includes plenty of advisory and support roles for
women
to assume. If a woman being denied participation in the armed
forces
is like a man being denied the right to pick nursing as a job,
then
conventional biases should not cloud our
judgement
Correct your spelling
judgment
show examples
.
Submitted by alifarzaneh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a logical flow by carefully organizing your paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a central idea with appropriate transitions that seamlessly connect your points. The use of linking words can help establish a clearer structure and enhance the coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and a conclusion are present, they could be improved to more effectively introduce the topic, summarize the main points, and clearly present your opinion. Work on crafting a stronger thesis statement and a more impactful final statement to leave a lasting impression on your reader.
coherence cohesion
Support each main point with detailed evidence and examples. Your arguments would benefit from more specific examples that illustrate your points. This concrete evidence can help reinforce your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Ensure that the essay fully addresses all aspects of the prompt. Develop a balanced discussion by providing a more equal examination of both sides of the argument. Your opinion should be distinctly stated and effectively woven throughout the essay.
task achievement
While you have presented clear ideas, strive to achieve a more comprehensive understanding of the essay topic. This can be enhanced by deeper analysis and a more thorough exploration of the subject matter. Your writing should display a complex understanding of the issues being discussed.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from more relevant, specific examples that are directly linked to the job roles within the police or military. These examples should correspond clearly to the claims or arguments you are making, thus showcasing a stronger task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!