Many governments spend too much money on weapons and military equipment. It would be better for the government to use the money spent on the military to improve its citizens' quality of life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
An enormous percentage of government budgets is used to buy military machines and weapons. Some argue that
this
expenditure on national defence should instead
be put towards making the public's standard of living better. While
I understand this
opinion, I partially disagree with it. In this
essay, I will present reasons to support my viewpoint.
To begin
with, it is easy to understand why people
may argue that governments
need to decrease military expenses and invest more in citizens' quality of life. The major reason for this
is that the costly, state-of-the-art firearms and equipment used by soldiers seem unnecessary as wars rarely break out nowadays. While
governments
are busy equipping their armies with war machines, many average civilians are struggling to make a living. This
means that governments
are not fulfilling all of their responsibilities towards these citizens. Hence
, many people
believe that governing bodies should secure more money to serve their people
by cutting the national defence budget.
However
, a country
's military power can provide protection and improve people
's quality of life. There is always the possibility that armed conflicts could break out between countries due to
differing religious beliefs, territorial disputes, etc. If a militarily weak country
loses to neighbouring states, the lives of people
living there will be miserable, and they may be forced to flee to another country
. However
, people
can safely stay in countries that possess cutting-edge jet fighters, missiles, and bombs because other nations wouldn't dare to harass such
a heavily armed country
. People
would feel that they are protected both inside and outside of their borders.
In conclusion, I understand why some people
want their governments
to stop pouring funds into powerful armies and instead
allocate more money for necessary services. Having said that, I disagree with this
view because a strong country
with great military strength can protect its people
and improve their quality of life.Submitted by dewifarraprasasya on
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coherence cohesion
You have organized the essay into clear paragraphs, each serving a particular purpose which is recommended, though transitions could be further improved for smoother flow. The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more impactful with a stronger thesis statement and summarization of main points.
task achievement
You have addressed the task, presenting a clear position throughout the essay. However, providing more specific examples and a broader range of arguments would strengthen the essay. Consider illustrating your points with more detailed evidence or data.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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