IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

In many countries, traditional values are increasingly eroded as societies embrace modernization and globalization. Some argue that this shift is beneficial, bringing about progress and improved living standards. Others, however, contend that it threatens the cultural fabric of communities and leads to the loss of important societal norms. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #values #societies #modernization #globalization #argue #shift #progress #standards #fabric #communities #loss #norms
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The charts below show that In
now days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
 the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
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 of time spent doing housework in households in one country
along
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1920 until 2019 that a
percentage
Use synonyms
 of the highest
number
Use synonyms
 households belong to 2019 and the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 of
percentage
Use synonyms
belong
Wrong verb form
belonged
show examples
 to 1920, but different with housework that the biggest
number
Use synonyms
 of
percentage
Use synonyms
 belong to 1920 and the smallest
number
Use synonyms
 belong to 2019. Every
years
Change to a singular noun
year
show examples
 the increase
nor
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 decrease of
Use synonyms
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 ownership of electrical appliances amount of spent time by doing
house work
Correct your spelling
housework
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 in
this
Linking Words
 data
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
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 that in 1920 people
prefer
Wrong verb form
preferred
show examples
 to do their housework by themselves
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
among
Change preposition
of
show examples
 50% there
are
Change the verb form
is
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 the biggest
number
Use synonyms
 between 1920
until
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 2019 so the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of households with electrical not too big there is just 40% for washing machine user and 35% for
refrigerator
Add an article
a refrigerator
the refrigerator
show examples
 for vacuum cleaner no one
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
 it
this
Linking Words
 is the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 of the
percentage
Use synonyms
 in the data. Move to 1940 some people
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 to
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
electrical
Add an article
the electrical
an electrical
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machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
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, the hose work
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
15
Change preposition
by 15
show examples
% than
last
Linking Words
 year
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 35%
Submitted by igbalalfariezy on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is difficult to follow due to lack of clear logical structure. Improve this by organizing your ideas into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea supported by examples, explanations, or further details.
coherence cohesion
There is no clear introduction or conclusion in your response. Essays should begin with an introduction that paraphrases the question and outlines the structure of the essay, and end with a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your opinion if required.
coherence cohesion
You need to develop your main points more effectively. Ensure each point is followed by an explanation or example that supports it. Avoid listing points without elaboration.
task achievement
The response fails to address the prompt fully. Ensure you discuss both views presented and offer your own opinion. Expand on your ideas to provide a complete response to all parts of the question.
task achievement
The ideas presented are unclear and not comprehensively explained. Work on developing each idea fully before moving to the next. This makes your essay easier to understand and more persuasive.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples are crucial in strengthening your argument and providing clarity. Incorporate these into your essay to effectively support your points and demonstrate a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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