IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people today eat most of their meals at fast food restaurants like McDonalds. Give reasons for this and give problems this can cause.

The world today has changed , and that includes
people
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's eating habits . Nowadays, many
people
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 use fast
food
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 restaurants regularly.
Also
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,
this
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 style of dining out has become very popular.
However
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, there are serious issues connected with fast
food
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.
This
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 essay will examine the reasons for
this
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 and the problems it can cause . On the one hand, there are many reasons why
people
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 incorporate fast
food
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 into their lives.
First,
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people
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 eat fast
food
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 because it is tasty. Some
people
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 think that the taste of fast
food
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 is better than home cooking.
Second,
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fast
food
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 can be very convenient.
For
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example
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, if someone is busy, they can order
this
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instead
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 of cooking.
Moreover
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, if someone is tired, it is much easier to order
food
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 .
Finally
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, the price is very affordable.
For
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example
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, there are some
people
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 whose salaries are not high.
However
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, they can order fast
food
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.
Therefore
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 , everyone can eat fast
food
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 , regardless of salary.
However
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,
on the other hand
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, there are several problems that can result from
this
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. The main problem is
people
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's health.
For
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example
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, fast
food
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 is high in fat and calories.
Also
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, it does not contain healthy ingredients.
Second,
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fast
food
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 can result in obesity.
This
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 can lead to serious health issues,
such
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 as heart disease. It can
also
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 lead to high blood pressure.
Finally
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, fast
food
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 sets a bad
example
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 for children. When adults consume fast
food
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, their children want to do the same.
This
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 creates a horrible lifestyle for the kids.
Thus
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, fast
food
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 addiction is created. In conclusion, it is clear to see that
people
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 who eat fast
food
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 do it for various reasons.
However
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, it must be noted that eating
this
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 type of
food
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 can cause many serious problems, especially to health.

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task response
In the intro, make a clear main idea and in the conclusion restate it.
task response
Add more detail to each reason and each problem, with simple life examples.
coherence cohesion
Use clear topic sentences and linking words to show order.
coherence cohesion
Check order of ideas: first give reasons, then the problems, then a closing thought.
introduction conclusion present
Make intro and conclusion shorter and to the point.
supported main points
Provide more specific examples for each main point (for example, a busy life leads to more buying fast food).
relevant specific examples
Give at least one precise example for each main idea to show you can argue with evidence.
grammar
Watch grammar: fix 'on the one hand' vs 'on the other hand' and use simple punctuation.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of simple linking words instead of repeating 'also' and 'moreover'.
structure
Intro states topic and shows plan.
content
Essay shows two sides: reasons and problems.
content
Some clear examples are used.
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