IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some feel that school uniforms make schools safer for students, create a “level playing field” that reduces socio economic disparities and encourage children to focus on their studies rather that their clothes. Others say school uniforms infringe upon students’ rights to express their individuality, have no positive effect on behavior and academics achievement. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

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Introduction
The given
table
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 gives
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information describing the
number
Use synonyms
 of
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 in
millions
Use synonyms
had
Correct pronoun usage
who had
show examples
travel
Wrong verb form
travelled
show examples
 to
international
Add an article
an international
show examples
destination
Fix the agreement mistake
destinations
show examples
 in
era
Add an article
the era
an era
show examples
 of 1990, 1995, 2000 and 2005. We are going to discuss the main information we can observe from the
table
Use synonyms
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
compare these four years with each other and make a conclusion.
Body paragraph 1
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable the
number
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 of people going
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 international
trip
Fix the agreement mistake
trips
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 every continent has
increase
Change the verb form
increased
show examples
 in the span of 15 years.
Linking Words
As well as
Rephrase
Also
show examples
, when we compare
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the table
show examples
table
Fix the agreement mistake
tables
show examples
 we can directly notice Europe has increased
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of travellers from all over
globe
Add an article
the globe
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
Firstly
Linking Words
, in Africa from 1990 to 2005 we were seeing
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 growth of 10.5
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
tourism
Change preposition
in tourism
show examples
 from 18.2 to 28.7
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
, but in
America
Add a comma
America,
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourism
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased in
Change the article
the year
show examples
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 1990
ti
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
 1995 from 80.5
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 to 112.5
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 but after 1995 it
remains
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 constant. Same with
Middle
Correct article usage
the Middle
show examples
 East in 1990
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of travellers
are
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 9.8 million and by 2005 the
number
Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased to 15.8
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
.
Conclusion
Secondly
Linking Words
, the second half of
Use synonyms
table
Correct article usage
the table
show examples
 shows the
number
Use synonyms
 of visitors from
globe
Correct article usage
the globe
show examples
 to Asia and the
pacific
Capitalize word
Pacific
show examples
 is double
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
quantity from 60.2 to 135.8
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in
span
Correct article usage
a span
show examples
 of 15 years same
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
followed
Europe
Change preposition
in Europe
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 accelerates from 280.2 to 400.2
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
attracters
Correct your spelling
attractors
attraction
.

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introduction conclusion present
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which are essential components of an effective essay structure; make sure to include them to set the context and to summarize the main points respectively.
logical structure
The logical structure of the essay is weak. Ideas and paragraphs should flow logically from one to the next, with clear topic sentences and cohesive devices to aid understanding.
supported main points
You should aim at fully developing your main points, using detailed and specific examples to support statements, and demonstrating a clear relationship between ideas.
complete response
The essay only partially addresses the task, as it does not discuss both sides of the argument or state a clear opinion as the prompt requires. Make sure to cover all parts of the task to achieve a higher score.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas lack clarity and comprehensiveness, which affects the reader's understanding. It's important to elaborate on your ideas fully and use clear, concise language.
relevant specific examples
The essay should include relevant and specific examples that support the arguments made. These examples are necessary to illustrate your points and make your argument more persuasive.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • uniform
  • safety
  • field
  • level
  • playing field
  • rich
  • poor
  • money
  • cost
  • clothes
  • dress code
  • express
  • right
  • behavior
  • study
  • focus
  • results
  • achievement
  • proof
  • proofs
  • support
  • compare
  • conclude
  • policy
  • rule
  • school
  • parent
  • option
  • flexible
  • balanced
  • fair
  • cost
  • example
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